my baby kitty

is with this little orange girl. This is my girl Pez, after I’ve had her a few weeks.  I had no idea.. when I took this picture,  the impact she would have in my life. She has been my constant friend, confident and fluffy place to lay my head when I need support.

Almost 15 years she and I have been a pair. Where I go, she goes.

West Virginia, Savannah and Virginia.. she has been my partner in crime wherever I lay my pillow.

From the beginning I had an idea this little girl was going to make my life more joyous. I remember the night I came up with her name… sitting in the kitchen of my house at WVU with my roommate, watching her run around as if she was on a sugar high… after eating a bunch of Pez candy.  Yep, that’s how she got her name! When I got her I didn’t realize she was a long haired kitty. You look at this picture and just think she’s fluffy. I really had no idea she would puff out like a cotton ball. Cute little hairs between her toes on her paws. Just adorable.

She has brought not just me but just about everyone who meets her joy. (okay at least a smile) Quiet and sassy my little girl is.  Oh and like most cats, she’s independent. She’ll come when SHE wants to.. not when you want her to. Little brat. Yes, I’ll admit it…she has me wrapped around her little paw. But what I do for her doesn’t come close to what she does for me. I mean, I know her. I know she’ll be there when I open the door when I get home, and when I get into bed.. within minutes she’s there (until Peter comes and then she’s mad at him every nite when he asks her to move over) I don’t know HOW she knows but she always comes and jumps onto the bed.. meowing just a few minutes before my alarm goes off. The price of KNOWING she’ll be there for me has meant more than anything I could ever buy her or do for her.

When I was in Savannah.. she and I would do the 8 hour drive together. In the car, her and I. She would sit in the back window.. basking in the sun. She never needed a carrier. We had a process. Back and forth to my parents house, she was my passenger.

She’s a part of my family. When “on vacation” at my parents house…she sits at the railing at the top of the stairs, paws right at the edge looking down. My dad and her will play around.. he’ll jump up and try to touch her paws. It’s what they do.

For every bout of unemployment.. she was there, silently showing her support by taking my mind off of the unknown. At times, Pez was the only thing in my life that I KNEW.

She’s been really easy to take care of… not finicky or anything. Like her ‘mom’ she likes her routine.

Two peas in a pod we are.

So as much and as great as my heart hurts saying this… together we beginning a new chapter. Her and I. A chapter where, at some time undisclosed in the future… we will soon be going our separate ways.

For the past 9 months or so… Pez has been having petit mal seizures. At first they were very VERY scary to me and to her as I know they disorient her. Neurotic kitty mama Keri and would video tape them to send to the vet.  They happen very intermittently.  Like your car, we never know when one is coming and how long it’s going to be. Once we figured out she was in no pain.. just being disoriented, I wasn’t as fearful when I saw one come on. (mind you in the past 9 months I might have witnessed a half a dozen.. we’re not talking every day or anything – that is that Peter or I have WITNESSED.. most likely she’s had them on her own as well). I would get on the floor and be near her, just so she knows I’m there until she ‘comes out of it. Since we’ve moved in December, I’ve only seen one seizure and it was small. I kinda thought maybe it was temporary.

Something told me when I went to bed Wednesday nite and she didn’t come to be with me that something wasn’t right. But I convinced myself that she must be sleeping somewhere else tonite. I mean, it does happen from time to time. I should have gone to find her. She woke me up at 1am Thursday morning with a cry that I cannot seem to get out of my head, this seizure was different. Usually she tenses up while it’s happening (picture yourself shrugging your shoulders for a minute.. uncomfortable, yes. painful, no.) This time she was a mush… I will spare you of the details but honestly, I thought it was a stroke. She was purring but this time her breath was labored.. so her purr was almost forced. I woke Peter and went back to her, thankfully it started to pass. Then comes the ‘out of it’ phase where she’s SLOW. One step at a time. Kinda like she’s really high. This usually takes 5 minutes but this time.. it wasn’t going away. She was walking but wasn’t able to eat the treats Peter put out for her.. almost like she couldn’t see them. I swear she couldn’t hear us either. Minutes went by and she it did seem like she was coming out of it.. but not like before. I knew it was different when Peter said ‘lets take her to the Dr’. So we did.

Long story short but going to the Emergency Vet was a waste. We sat in a room from 1:30ish to 4am and in that time span we saw someone for MAYBE 10 minutes. They just asked questions.. they didn’t DO anything for her. It was confusing because on one hand I am preparing to say goodbye to her but on the other I’m furious.. WHERE IS ANYONE???  So within that time span.. she let me hold her and pet her without any resistance… she would have her head resting on my hand. I thought I was saying goodbye. I told it was okay to go. I know we’re not our bodies.. and that we are eternal. I thanked her and told her I loved her, that I would see her someday soon.

Well thankfully, that wasn’t her time. The vet wanted to put her on an IV and put her under a “seizure watch” (to the tune of $1000 no less) but since we knew it was intermittent.. that would be $1000 down the TUBES. We decided to take her home and see… I mean a few hours later she was more alert and able to move around…we waited 15 minutes with no one around to check out, we called out “hello! we’re leaving!” nope. Finally, I left a message “TIRED OF WAITING.. BILL US.. KERILYN RUSSO” (they called my cell within 5 minutes and ASKED us to come back and pay our bill. Are you fucking kidding me? I have my girl in my arms.. sure let me come back and give you $100 bucks! FUCK YOU!)

I barely slept 2 hours but knew I couldn’t leave her. I went to my job and got my computer to work from home (I had a deadline) and called my vet. Dr Villar is the BEST. He actually works out of a van and comes to your house. The tech comes in with a carrier, puts pez in there and walks out to the van. When done, they do the same and bring her back in) He is down to earth and knowledgable. And more you get DEDICATED time with him. Just YOU and your vet. So when I called, his wonderful tech told me she had to shift some appointments.. but would call me back. Less than 2 hours later, they arrived. After looking her over (at this point she was just tired, and low energy) Dr. Villar sat on the couch with me and the tech for 30 minutes while we came up with a plan. We were now a team. And the goal is to do what’s best for Pez.

She’s given me 15 wonderful years, I’m not going to put her through anything invasive. I could get an MRI, but only if surgery was an option. Oh, the cause? As Dr Villar says.. something with the central nervous system (I think he is caring enough not to drop CANCER or BRAIN TUMOR on my lap) Since I’ve NEVER experienced this chapter of life before, I had questions. Lots. He was so patient and answered all of them (including to page HIM the next time this happens, even if in the middle of the night) He told me when I would ‘know’ it was time. He said “you know her best. NOONE knows her better than you. When you notice that who Pez is.. isn’t there. That’s when you know.” Of course It wasn’t easy to hear but I am so glad to hear this information.  As Dr. Villar says “We don’t want to do anything TO Pez, we want to do everything FOR her.”

I couldn’t have said it better myself.

So here we are. Today is better. I see a little more of who Pez is today. Does NOT change the thought that a part of her is gone. She is different now. This seizure changed her. Maybe it’s already on the other side, I don’t know.  I have NO idea what timeframe I’m working with or anything of KNOWN value. All I know is here we are..

She’s been with me all of my adult life to date. It’s no small statement that she is a part of me. With her leaving.. means a part of me is leaving.  Yes. I know she’s not really going anywhere but her physical self is leaving.  Even thinking the thoughts, and doing the imaginary planning, means I’m having to accept it. And damn it if this hasn’t been one of the hardest things I’ve experienced thus far in my life.

All day yesterday and today.. a memory will come up or the thought “What am I going to do without her?” and I’m at it again.. crying uncontrollably. I can’t seem to stop crying. This sadness, this awareness literally takes my breath away. I allow myself to cry.. I give myself permission. I WILL be okay. When the time comes and this chapter ends, It will open me up to a new chapter. Who knows what that new chapter will bring.

For now.. I am taking each moment to, as Peter says,  “just enjoy her”. She’s allowing me to hold her near.. even if I’m crying.. without trying to get away.  Doing all I can to ‘enjoy her’ today.

I have no idea what will happen or when the time will come. I do know that I am forever changed because of her. She has been one of the TOP 3 things that has ever happened to me in my life and for that, I am grateful.

I love you my little Pez girl for you are my heart.

My fluffy girl

Dear God from Jen at Bits of Truth

1. Gotta say it. Morning Coffee (Hands down)
2. For my job, the 9-5 (more like 9-6) that ALLOWS me the flexibility to make choices that I find desirable to my soul, for my present and into the future. That I work at an office with fellow co-workers that I have already worked with previous… which makes this position i’m in more comfortable.
3. My senses. I am so grateful that I can see (the sparkles the sun makes on the water) hear (music that moves me), taste (Filet Mignon, Guacamole), smell (Coco Chanel, Bacon), touch (Kitty Girl Pez)  and intuit (Thank You Bertha!)
4. That I firmly believe in The Law of Attraction/God/Reincarnation/Spirit/Mediums/Psychics (Even when I am needing a reminder when I feel stuck)
5. For all the lovelies that I have met on The Declaration of You E-Course, through my Coaching Program, Ivy my soul sista at work, the women in my group. I am so grateful.

1. JigsawBox – I participated in a presentation with the creator yesterday, Her coaching/Solopreneurship Platform is EXACTLY what Married to a Chef needs. (In one phrase, it’s 24/7 access to coaching)
2. How homey our new place is going to feel once we get everything set and in place. Ahh…. (Insert Happy Dance)
3. Been itching to get some more tattoos. 1. 3 ladybugs (I’m thinking on my hand/wrist or foot – can’t decide) 2. a phrase with the words ‘JAH’ in them. (ex. JAH GIVE I STRENGTH) (Side note: Check out this inspiring chicas AWESOME  tattoo.. hmm,got me thinkin) 3. The words ‘Ancora Imparo/I am still learning’ above and below my existing tattoo.
4. Having a baby belly. Nuff said.

Morning my lovebugs…

How goes it? It goes pretty darn well in my world… (Can you tell that I’ve been SO happy lately? in general..?)  It’s Friday.. and Payday.. and I’m still feeling so darn good.. contented.. and secure.. EXACTLY where I am supposed to be… Ahh.. Good Feeling. I look out the window of my office.. onto the Potomac River.. watch the runners/walkers and doggies go by… I am so blessed to have the view that I do… It makes my job THAT much better I’ll tell ya.

This weekend is a loverly one… Hanging with my man tonite doing something (probably hanging outside with the wonderful neighbors in the new tent we all will be going in together on – grilling out) Tomorrow… My little sis is coming and she’s keeping me company while I do some errands.. including get my hair cut. Yes.. I need a new look.. My hair is getting long… (I know, I know Matthew) But the longer it gets.. the heavier it gets and well.. I have thin/fine hair and I need some help in the styling/body department. I am trying not to envision what she has for me.. I am NOT cuting my hair off at all.. just give it some more… ummph. Hanging with Sis … watching this AWESOME movie that my Auntie sent me called You Can Heal Your Life which I HIGHLY suggest… (Thank You Auntie!!!)  Then Resting… little more of  “BEING” Saturday.. then Sunday Is Easter.. Another Busy day at the restaurant for my Honeydew.. and I’m scheduled to Volunteer at my beloved National Building Museum then All the Neighbors (Hopefully Mahoney and Allison too!) is going to have an Easter Dinner Shin Dig outside (Fingers Crossed the Weather is nice!)

Ok.. I feel like saying something funny that happened to me yesterday.. then I’ll do 3 things 2 things

1. Something funny: Yesterday I was running in the little gym in my bldg.. and I noticed the oscillating fan was pointed toward the ground… NOT doing me or my other gym buddy any justice.. so I thought I’d keep the treadmill going.. and push the fan up to useless height… Well I was so focused on NOT hitting the moving treadmill..watching it moving… that once I stepped off the treadmill.. I guess I got caught up with the movement and kept stepping backward.. TOTALLY hitting the machine behind me… and HEAD OVER HEELS (actually the opposite) fell over… I rebounded pretty fast.. got up (due to embarrassment) and put my hands in the air like I just made a touchdown… Thankfully only my gym buddy was in there.. Ha!! I kept and keep replaying it.. and bust out laughing… And I have one heck of a bruise on my thigh from hitting the machine behind me.! Ok.. check that off the list of things that I’ve never done before…. Look like a fool in the gym! CHECK!!!

3 things that make me happy:

1. Every evening…. I fill a small juice glass up with Kefir.. It’s PRO-biotics.. that taste and look exactly like a Strawberry Smoothie. It’s good for the digestive system.. especially after taking AntiBiotics. It tastes so good… It’s like having a smoothie every nite! YUM!
2. Listening to Bombay Dub Orchestra here at my desk.. There are a few songs that really make me feel relaxed.. It’s a Group with a 36 Piece Indian Orchestra.. VERY CHILL!!! LOVE LISTENING TO THEM!!!! Deep Breath In…..Ohm…..
3. Getting a call from my mom yesterday saying that she received the picture of Peter and I that I sent her (courtesy of Alicia.. thank you) in lieu of an Easter Card!

2 things I look forward to today:

1. I am leaving here at 3pm today.. going to run then going to grocery for our hopeful cookout tonite!) Getting the LONG weekend started a little early!! YIPPEE!!!
2. Just Being able to enjoy my afternoon… Peter will come home and we can spend the evening together… or with good friends.  Both will be very enjoyable!!!

2 long term things i look forward to:

1. I signed up today for my first 5K!!! Race for the Cure on Saturday June 6th!! My fellow co-worker/runner Bob told me about this Race so when Kristy and I were talking about finding a Race.. I thought it would be a perfect first race.. So inspiring and 30,000 runners/walkers! I’ll admit.. I’m a little nervous… Been stuck at 2.5 miles for a while now.. And haven’t run outside yet.. But I know it will be wonderful! Thanks to Kristy for the gentle and loving nudge to do it… We are running together (unless anyone else wants to run with us.. let me know!)
2. Getting out of Dodge for Memorial Day and visiting Michelle in Charleston! I really am excited about getting away… and relaxing..eating yummy food.. (After Memorial Day I’m going on a 10 day cleanse.. then Starting the No Grain Eating again until the wedding)
3. Monday I am OFF And Peter and I are going to the Washington Nationals Opening Day Game!!! WOO HOO!!! SO FUN!!! Peter (of course) knows someone.. and we were invited by the VP of Merchandising for the Nationals to go in his Box and watch the Game!! Wowee!!! I cant’ wait!!! Hopefully I can run into my favorite Sales Person Bob from here.. at the Stadium… and enjoy a beer with Him. I really love going to Baseball Games..  Beer, Sausage and Peppers (Yea don’t remind me.. I know they’re not good for me… I gotta enjoy my life!) and singing the National Anthem.. It’s what being an American is all about!!!!

1 person I am going to appreciate:

ME! I love myself.. I can honestly say that I have been the happiest I’ve been in a LONG LONG time!! Does that mean things are perfect? No. Perfect doesn’t exist. Does it mean I’m still not working things out in my head? Again No.. I’m always Churning Churning in this head o’mine!  It’s the challenge of trying to learn more about myself that keeps me from Giving Up!!! Paired with my lovely affirmations, my wonderful Kitty Girl that I love to mush on and breathe in.. wonderful neighbors… cute shoes.. beautiful Trees I drive by on the way to work… and exercising.. and a man who I love very much and cannot wait to start the next chapter with… I am one Lucky Woman!!!

Happy Easter Everyone!!!
Much Love!!!
Kerilyn

Hi there my people…

What a loverly weekend. I’m at work now.. looking out the window at the Potomac River.. very calm water today… watching the runners and bikers go on by… like an old Fashioned Lazy Sunday…. and I feel good.. Had a good weekend so far.. Spending time with my sister… seeing old friends (Corin AWESOME to see you girl! I can’t believe I brought my schnazzy camera and I forgot to take a dang picture of us! Argh!) Eating YUMMY pancakes with Peanut Butter/Honey, Bacon and Bananas.. Oh my gosh HEAVEN!!!)  Going shopping at Macys (looking for a dress for nexts weeks engagement session) and finding this AWESOME Sweater for $7 bucks!!!! Coming home to watch Rachel Getting Married  – really liked it. And ending our evening with a loverly dinner at LIAS chatting up with everyone… So nice to see Peter in his environment.  Today I did my usual Coffee/Paper/Sunday Morning Edition with my girl.. took this cutie picture of her on my lap. She makes my heart comforted… listening to her purr on my lap.. her little whiskers twitching as she has little kitty dreams.. I love her. She is my heart.

Isn't she the cutest?

ok feel like 3 things 2 things today:

3 things that make me happy:
1. Listening to my Sirius Radio (The CHILL channel) here on my computer at work while I do work. (yes, I’m really working.. just want to write a bit today)
2. Wearing my new shoes (I bought (3) pair for $60 bucks online last week – yes, i’ve become a bit of a shopaholic… meh.. it’s only because I feel so good about myself lately.. I want the outside to match the inside. Need to wait till it gets little warmer out to wear them.
3. My sparkly and beautiful Friend Roxanne Passed Her LEED Exam yesterday!!! WAY TO GO ROXY!!! I’m so proud of you!!!! Let’s get together and celebrate!!!!

2 things that I’m looking forward to today:
1. I am going to get out of here at 3 and go take a NAP!! An actual nap!!! I feel like I need one.
2. Peters bringing home steaks and we’re sitting outside with our neighbors tonite.. I just love our little group of people, sitting outside chatting it up.. It makes me happy in my soul.

2 long term things I look forward to:
1. Oh my gosh ~ Peter and I are having our engagement Session with our Awesome Photographer this upcoming weekend. I’m actually nervous.. I’ve never been the subject of dedicated photos before…. and yes.. while I like having my photo taken.. Michael is a pro… and an artist so I’m nervous that I do what is asked of me so he can create a beautiful shot!!! (And… Peter has a tendency to not keep a straight face so we’ll have to see how that goes!)
2. This week I’ll be getting in Disc 2 of Sigur Ros – Heima.. I can’t wait.. Just laying on the couch taking more of their magical music in… Ahhhh.

1 person I am going to appreciate:
Me. Long story but I have run into a road block with regard to getting a permit to have our wedding ceremony in Founders Park… (UGH!!) So I contacted the MAYOR of Alexandria and his office wrote me back this past week!!! I am hopeful to have it solved (in my favor of course) this week!!! Again.. my philosophy of  “What do I REALLY have to lose???” proves me right… NOTHING!!! I have nothing to lose!!!!!!

Ok my loverlies… I will end by saying that I am constantly inspired by the amazing Blogs that are online right now.. I could just swim in their inspiration and devotion forever… I want to focus on (1) amazing woman who has brought me to SO many other inspiring artists/spirits.. I am in awe of her.. her story… and her boho world. Please.. check her out as I pay homage to someone I deeply appreciate.

Much Love! Hope your having a great weekend too!!!
Kerilyn (and Pez!)

Hiety Ho My Peeps!!! (And not the Easter Kind either!)

How are you? A Big Happy Birthday to my cousin Dominique as well as my WVU girlfriend Heather.  Happy Birthday Beautiful Women!!!  Hope you have a GREAT birth-day, whatever you are doing!!!!!   Today it’s supposed to be 70 degrees here.. wacky!!! Yesterday it was like 40…I am ready for consistant warmer weather.. It makes for my driving him at 6:15ish when it’s still Sunny SO much nicer!!!! (Me love Daylight Savings Time!)

So yea.. I’m sure you saw on facebook… I had a CT Scan of my Sinuses and I found out that I have a deviated septum and have to have that surgery where they basically break my nose. I’m going to try to avoid that at ALL costs… Want to look up homeopathic remedies first… I understand why I keep getting Sinus Infections… now with that knowledge.. I need to work on it.. been doing good so far. I’m feeling much better.. back to my self.. so that’s good.

I’m getting REALLY excited.. Not this weekend.. but next weekend.. is our Engagement Session with our awesome Photographer!!! I am almost nervous to even meet Michael.. I don’t even know why. I hope the weather is GORGEOUS (God.. can you help a girl out here?) we all have a good vibe… (hope Peter keeps a straight face most of the time.. trying to get that boy to be serious is like pulling teeth!!!)  I respect Michaels vision.. and am so excited to see how he interprets the moment!!! Keep your eyes peeled!!! I’ll definitely link our session from his blog!

Ok.. feeling inspired…. onto 3 things 2 things:

3 things that make me happy:
1. My wonderful Auntie sent me (2) Louise Hay Books and a DVD as an “unbirthday” present this weekend!!! I was so surprised.. I love getting mail (don’t we all!) I can’t wait to watch the DVD and start reading!!!! Thank You Auntie!!!
2. It’s weird.. after not running a week being under the weather.. my runs on Monday and Tuesday have been AWESOME!!! Why is that? I feel stronger.. endurance better.. I’m really happy about it!!!
3. Driving to work this morning.. I heard this AWESOME dance song… (Cascada/’Perfect Day’) and CRAZY dancing in my car… actually made me tear up.. thinking about dancing with all my wonderful friends at the Reception!!! (Matthew that includes YOU too!!!)

2 things I am looking forward to today:
1. I’m going to go run at 4ish today.. so I don’t have to worry about not getting a treadmill. Then I can work till 6.
2. I’m going to this awesome Lecture about an upcoming Exhibit at my National Building Museum tonite..  called “House of Cars” about Parking Garages. I am weirdly really intrigued by this subject so I’m excited to go!!!

2 long term things I am looking forward to:
1. Getting my shoes that I bought online in.. (I have been a smidge of a shopaholic lately.. I got (3) pairs of shoes for $60 bucks  – couldn’t pass it up!!!)
2. Next Friday – the 27th.. TWO things that I am excited about.. 1. Seeing my Krisstoefir and 2. Going to the Elizabeth Gilbert (She’s the Author of  “EAT PRAY LOVE”) at National Cathedral.

1 person I am going to appreciate:
Not one person.. but I really really really LOVE sitting outside with my neighbors… Last nite.. Mahoney and Allison were already out there when I got home from running.. then Peter came in after me.. and we lit a fire.. had a few celebratory St. Patricks Day Drinks (I had a Baileys on the Rocks – YUM!) and just talked till 10.. Neighbors Jose and Jody (their doggie Striker) came and joined us later.. I can’t tell you how awesome it is that we all get together on a regular basis outside. It makes me feel like my extended family. I am looking forward to this spring.. I predict a lot of fun get togethers!!!

I am really one lucky woman… The ONLY thing that I can think of in my entire life that is still not quite right.. is I have Pez back with me.. but she’s just not herself.. She’s very defensive and not very mushy with me.. It makes me so sad… Other than that.. My life is really quite amazing. I am overwhelmed with gratitude.

Hope you have a Great week!!! Hope to talk to you soon!!!
Much Love,
Kerilyn