Nighttime... with You...

Evening…

So this is what I’m doing… as you can now see yourself…I’m sitting outside.. with Peters Storm Watch Candle Burning (The smell that is.. HIS SMELL – Thank You Kristine for buying them for him) I was clipping coupons (Yes.. I’ve beared witness to the money saving a coupon or two can do to your budget.. begrudgingly) listening to Jazz coming from inside… Thanks to the Real Jazz channel on Sirius.. and just enjoying the evening.. after an enjoyable day… a “so much myself” day.. with my girl Kristy… talking to you.

I was introduced to a concept that I had NEVER given much thought to before. Actually Talking to and Befriending the other Parts of me that I hear my head. The perverbial Devil/Angel on the Shoulder. That’s the topic of the Free Workshop that Kristy and I went to. I don’t think I ever thought to BEFRIEND the other voices before… to help understand how I am able to do the things I do (and do to myself) good and bad. It hit me midway thru this workshop (Thankfully) as it became clear that one of the voices in my head is an “Inner Critic”.. Someone who tells me I’m not good enough or thin enough.. that I’m not worth it. (Boy would I like to get my hands on this “Part” of me that caused MYSELF so much pain) I never thought to befriend this side.. to ask it what it’s purpose is… and how it Serves me.. But I saw myself talking to this not so nice side of myself.. and I found that I WANTED to understand why it was so hard on me.. harsh words/emotions of shame and guilt come from it. And Dang it.. Now I want to know why.

So I will be doing some offline journalling on this subject.. (of course I want to share with you but there is just some vomiting of my inside world that has to be done offline) Trying to get a sense of who these other parts are.. and what their purpose is. We did a short period of silence where we wrote down what we initally thought our other Parts are… For the purpose of , well.. being Me and hopefully getting you to understand what I’m saying… Here are the, off the cuff, parts of myself.. that came to the surface enough to be written down. Hopefully you’ll find this as interesting as I did. (Not in any order of importance.. just how they came out)

- Inner Critic (Judge,Juror,Plaintiff)
- Sado-Masochist (Selfish, Sociopathic, Bossy, Pleasure )
- Abused/Caged Dog Syndrome (Anxiety,”No, don’t hurt me”, Prostrating)
- Little Girl (Scared but wanting to be Fancy Free)
- Baptist Minister (Fire and Brimstone/Right vs Wrong)
- Teacher ( Patient, Understanding, Non-Judgmental)
- Seductress ( Beguiling, Persistant)
- Nerd (Loner,Intelligence, Planner)
- Stuntman (Do It!, Jump!, GO GO GO!)
- Romantic Dreamer/Artist (Melancholy,Tormented,Wistful,Feeling)

Interesting Huh? I am ALL of these parts.. I’m sure other parts as well but this is just what came out..It made TOTAL Sense to me.. to read this.. It felt right inside… (NO.. this is not about schizophrenia or multiple personalities.. this is the different personas we carry around within us… when facing a new or scary experience)

The Trick is.. to BEFRIEND these parts.. to talk to these parts to try to find out why they are there.. maybe what experiences they were created from.. and how they can work together with you to help you be more open to knowing who you are.

I find what I’ve learned fascinating. I think all the work I’ve done inside and outside this past year. I really could use a Friend from the inside out. I want to work to understand these different parts.. and how we.. as a weird sort of 24/7 team can help use this info in helping me be a better…. well, me.

Does this make sense? I will say the workshop came from a purely scientific psychological place.. NOT a spiritual place at all.. I did find myself resisting the notion that we conjure up all deeply profound inner wisdom from our experiences during THIS lifetime and 100% subscribe that our past lives and the Karma that has been brought forth to this lifetime has helped forge that inner knowing… to help create parts of our inner world to help facilitate our journey.

I won’t bore you with the surface stuff of my day.. beautiful weather.. beautiful friends… feeling EXACTLY where I am supposed to be.. more beautiful than I EVER have… But leave you with these thoughts.. Please feel free to tell me what you think on this.. It’s intriguing.. I just scratched the surface of this mindset… and am now curious to see where it goes from here.

Have a great rest of your weekend.
Much Love,
Kerilyn