Found a bunch o’ questions that I thought I’d like to answer in the few moments before I go back to wake/coffee/work/pack/coaching calls/sleep (hoping this will be over by Sunday)

6 names you go by:
1. Kerilyn
2. Keri
3. Ker
4. Ker-Bear
5. Keriwinwin
6. Honey

3 things you are wearing right now:
1. my wedding rings
2. my stupid glasses
3. my multi colored heart socks

4 things you want very badly at this moment:
1. to have this move OVER with
2. to NOT have to work at the 9-5 anymore
3. baby belly
4. to be back to running 3 miles/day mentality

2 things you did last night:
1. Had my last SARA group meeting
2. 2 hr weekly coaching teleclass about intuition. (LOVED IT!) *Bonus that my own coach was the presenter of the teleclass*

the last 2 people you talked to on the phone:
1. the furniture people, confirming our furniture delivery on Saturday.
2.  The Hubs

2 things you are going to do tomorrow:
1. NOT go to the 9-5 tomorrow (took off because it’s supposed to rain Sunday (our original move date) so the schedule has been adjusted to accomodate
2. move as MUCH stuff as I can, all day long.

3 favorite drinks:
1. coffee!!
2. room temperature water
3. orange juice

alright… I’m off.. more next week!
Have a great weekend!
xoxo
Kerilyn

High/Low 7.17.09 from Kerilyn Fox on Vimeo.

Untitled from Kerilyn Fox on Vimeo.

Peter and I… being.. well.. ourselves.
Much Love,
Kerilyn

My first Entry! from Kerilyn Fox on Vimeo.

Hi Everyone!!

How are you doing? I’ve been feeling thirsty for writing you all… Craving a nice long Rambling to you.. Hope you don’t mind. Have lots of things swimming around in this head of mine that I need to get out.

I’m doing Fabulous! I feel great today… I’m almost giddy… moments of intense internal high energy… bursting at the seams! SO many exciting things coming in my life, I can barely contain it all! I think I’m almost not believing that it’s a smidge over FOUR MONTHS till Peter and I get married!  Holy Moly!!! It’s kinda blowing my mind! All these fun events like Food Tastings at the Hotel and meeting the Music Coordinator is being scheduled.. and it’s getting closer to work with our Wedding Coordinator, Chantal. My girlfriend Kyra is working on the invites.. and then a wonderful former co-worker of Peters.. Erin of Haute Papier is helping us with the Printing! My sister is working now on the Programs to give to Kyra so she can do her artistic thang and It’s so exciting!!! Just to vent and get this off my chest… I think all we have to do is.

1. Rings
2. Flowers – Going to a local Farm with my friends Scott and Roxanne who are going to be helping with this part.
3. Place Cards
4. Hotel Welcome Bags
5. Veil/Shoes
6. Favors
7. Gifts for our Wedding Party

I think that’s it.. and as far as I’m concerned the stuff above is the fun stuff. Anything I’m forgetting? Besides forking over thousands of dollars? HA HA HA!!!  Well Regardless of that.. I am so excited!! Talking to my friends the past few days about their plans to come into town.. has me all excited inside. Seeing some friends that I haven’t seen in FOREVER has me very excited!!! Truth be told I regularly visualize/daydream while driving to and from work of dancing with all my friends at the reception and laughing and crying the entire way. I’m so dang lucky. Wow.

*oh and Peter and I still need to plan the rest of our Honeymoon to Italy*

So I’ve transitioned into regular eating after doing my 10 day cleanse.  I think I lost about 10-12 lbs. It’s definitely noticable. I was down in DC yesterday on a job site and I caught my reflection.. usually I pick myself apart in that brief moment but this time I stopped and actually said out loud.. “Damn I’m HOT.” It’s amazing how feeling more comfortable in your own body can totally change your outlook on every aspect of your life. I still have not had coffee and have no desire to eat meat since coming off the cleanse. I plan on doing this cleanse again the 8-20th of September, right before the wedding. I felt great.. VERY clear headed.. and well.. losing another 10 lbs wouldn’t hurt. My wedding dress at this point has to be taken in 3 dress sizes (they always make you order it BIGGER than you really are.. why do they do that? to make you pay for alterations) And I have 4 months to hopefully go down another dress size!

Let’s see.. what else.. I guess the only thing irking me lately is that I’ve been a bit uninspired at work. It’s been kinda slow.. with smaller projects lately and I feel like I need a BIG 500 station job to really keep my attention right now. I really do love what I do.. and I really would love an opportunity to continue the feeling of appreciation I have for what I do.  Staying hopeful something yummy comes my way!

Guess I really need to be honest with myself.. I feel really slack about my Benchmark cards.. it’s been a LONG time since I’ve been enthused about putting my energy in them. Sitting down and working on them. Do I love them still? Oh yes. But I can’t necessarily understand why my drive isn’t there to make more.. and make different.. dedicate my time in the evenings to my inspiration and passion. Interesting… It’s not because I don’t have the time.. because I do. Strange.

What else is going on in this head o’ mine?

I’m REALLY excited to be going down to Charleston next week for a long weekend with my girl Michelle over Memorial Day. I am SO excited to just ‘be’ with her. I need this badly. I need her badly. I need Charleston Badly. When I’m with Michelle I can be myself.. my “Swimming in the Deep End” Self and I never feel like what I am saying is too much for her to handle. On the contrary.. she swims right along with me… This might sound strange.. but part of me aches for her? Side note that I know that I’ve been lately twinging with some unsurfaced feelings about ending my friendship with Naomi back in January who also Swam in the Deep end.. I think I miss that constant exercise of introspection and reflection in my Daily Life.  Michelle and I have lots of fun things on the itinerary.. with one being POSSIBLY getting Tattoos.. I would LOVE a few more pieces of ink and I could think of noone else I’d rather go with.

I think I can go on and on today.. but You probably have other stuff to do.. laundry… dishes.. cook dinner.. so I’ll leave you with my favorite
3 things 2 things  and bid you adieu for now.

3 things that make me happy:

Kerilyn Today!!!

1. Wearing this dress today that used to fit me kinda snuggly but today it’s almost too big on me.. It still looks okay.. but I can definitely feel a difference. Yea! (Here’s a small pic.. you can’t see all of me but you’re going to have to trust me)
2. Looking out the window every morning at the River where I sit and work. So Tranquil.
3. In the morning, my kitty girl Pez stands on my bed and stares at me.. like as if to say “Wake Up Mom!” I love that.. she purrs away. She’s so happy now! I can totally tell a difference!

2 things I am looking forward to today:

1. I have therapy tonite at 7. I haven’t seen her in about a month so it will be nice to talk to her tonite.
2.  Giving running outside another try, yesterday was my first attempt (Had been running inside on the treadmill all this time) and yesterday didn’t go so well. Hopefully today is better (That is… if it doesn’t rain. It’s looking kinda yucky out there right now.

2 long term things I am looking forward to:

1. Well Getting out of town.. Packing a Bag and being free of my Everyday Life for a few days next weekend.
2. In July.. my Girl Kyra and I are going to meet halfway between here and Asheville and we’re going to have our own girls weekend in Roanoke, VA. It’s about a 3.5 Hour trip each way… but it’ll be good to just spend time with my K.

1 person I am going to appreciate:
My sister.. She has done so much for me these past months… I really don’t know what I would do without her. She thinks of things I would never have thought of.. and is so willing to help me.. and spend time with me.. even if I’m not having a happy moment. Love you Kristine!

That’s it for now.. Figure I rambled on enough…
Much Love,
Kerilyn

Nighttime... with You...

Evening…

So this is what I’m doing… as you can now see yourself…I’m sitting outside.. with Peters Storm Watch Candle Burning (The smell that is.. HIS SMELL – Thank You Kristine for buying them for him) I was clipping coupons (Yes.. I’ve beared witness to the money saving a coupon or two can do to your budget.. begrudgingly) listening to Jazz coming from inside… Thanks to the Real Jazz channel on Sirius.. and just enjoying the evening.. after an enjoyable day… a “so much myself” day.. with my girl Kristy… talking to you.

I was introduced to a concept that I had NEVER given much thought to before. Actually Talking to and Befriending the other Parts of me that I hear my head. The perverbial Devil/Angel on the Shoulder. That’s the topic of the Free Workshop that Kristy and I went to. I don’t think I ever thought to BEFRIEND the other voices before… to help understand how I am able to do the things I do (and do to myself) good and bad. It hit me midway thru this workshop (Thankfully) as it became clear that one of the voices in my head is an “Inner Critic”.. Someone who tells me I’m not good enough or thin enough.. that I’m not worth it. (Boy would I like to get my hands on this “Part” of me that caused MYSELF so much pain) I never thought to befriend this side.. to ask it what it’s purpose is… and how it Serves me.. But I saw myself talking to this not so nice side of myself.. and I found that I WANTED to understand why it was so hard on me.. harsh words/emotions of shame and guilt come from it. And Dang it.. Now I want to know why.

So I will be doing some offline journalling on this subject.. (of course I want to share with you but there is just some vomiting of my inside world that has to be done offline) Trying to get a sense of who these other parts are.. and what their purpose is. We did a short period of silence where we wrote down what we initally thought our other Parts are… For the purpose of , well.. being Me and hopefully getting you to understand what I’m saying… Here are the, off the cuff, parts of myself.. that came to the surface enough to be written down. Hopefully you’ll find this as interesting as I did. (Not in any order of importance.. just how they came out)

- Inner Critic (Judge,Juror,Plaintiff)
- Sado-Masochist (Selfish, Sociopathic, Bossy, Pleasure )
- Abused/Caged Dog Syndrome (Anxiety,”No, don’t hurt me”, Prostrating)
- Little Girl (Scared but wanting to be Fancy Free)
- Baptist Minister (Fire and Brimstone/Right vs Wrong)
- Teacher ( Patient, Understanding, Non-Judgmental)
- Seductress ( Beguiling, Persistant)
- Nerd (Loner,Intelligence, Planner)
- Stuntman (Do It!, Jump!, GO GO GO!)
- Romantic Dreamer/Artist (Melancholy,Tormented,Wistful,Feeling)

Interesting Huh? I am ALL of these parts.. I’m sure other parts as well but this is just what came out..It made TOTAL Sense to me.. to read this.. It felt right inside… (NO.. this is not about schizophrenia or multiple personalities.. this is the different personas we carry around within us… when facing a new or scary experience)

The Trick is.. to BEFRIEND these parts.. to talk to these parts to try to find out why they are there.. maybe what experiences they were created from.. and how they can work together with you to help you be more open to knowing who you are.

I find what I’ve learned fascinating. I think all the work I’ve done inside and outside this past year. I really could use a Friend from the inside out. I want to work to understand these different parts.. and how we.. as a weird sort of 24/7 team can help use this info in helping me be a better…. well, me.

Does this make sense? I will say the workshop came from a purely scientific psychological place.. NOT a spiritual place at all.. I did find myself resisting the notion that we conjure up all deeply profound inner wisdom from our experiences during THIS lifetime and 100% subscribe that our past lives and the Karma that has been brought forth to this lifetime has helped forge that inner knowing… to help create parts of our inner world to help facilitate our journey.

I won’t bore you with the surface stuff of my day.. beautiful weather.. beautiful friends… feeling EXACTLY where I am supposed to be.. more beautiful than I EVER have… But leave you with these thoughts.. Please feel free to tell me what you think on this.. It’s intriguing.. I just scratched the surface of this mindset… and am now curious to see where it goes from here.

Have a great rest of your weekend.
Much Love,
Kerilyn

Hiety Ho my Loverlies!!!

How are you this Tuesday Morning? I  know that for me.. this Tuesday morning is dreary and overcast.. the water is moving pretty rapidly on the potomac… I kinda can’t wait till the weather stabilizes itself in a 65-70 degree Run… instead of 70 today and 35 tomorrow… It gets kinda depressing when you can’t really get excited about your New $15.00 Halter dress from Ross when you walk outside and it’s really chilly!  And I have THREE pair of awesome Peep Toe Shoes that are sitting in Boxes WAITING for me to put them on and enjoy the breeze as it hits my toesies… freshly pedicured that is. Waiting on that shift of consistantly warmer weather to get a Pedicure.. No sense when tomorrow I’ll have to wear socks again. Boo.

Yesterday I took off from work which was WONDERFUL! (sorta) It was nice to not have to wake up early.. BUT I think I kinda ruined Peters only day off this week with my annoying clean freak tendencies. And I also think that from time to time.. I have a low blood sugar thing.. if I don’t eat and i’m hungry..I get SERIOUSLY irritable!!! Whew! It’s like I become this raging bull.. that wants to run (drive) fast and butt my head up against anything that moves quickly. Whew. (Sorry Honey.)  Peter said he’s going to start to carry a candy bar in his pocket to calm me down when I “get” that way again. (Make it a LOWFAT Granola bar and it’s a deal!) Anyway.. I know I can get pretty hard to handle at times. Unfortunately.

Peter got us AWESOME Diamond Club Seats for the Washington Nationals Opening Day Game…(Check out the Pics on my Flickr) through someone he knows at the Restaurant (of course.. he knows Everyone!) And They had IN SEAT Food Service.. Someone who comes and takes your “order” at your seat (2 hot dogs and 2 beers please!) It was so cool! We were seated right behind home plate!! There was some issue with the Kitchen… so our food was VERY DELAYED (see above with regard to low blood sugar) So I was a HUNGRY GRIZZLY BEAR before the 3rd inning to tell you the truth!!!! (putting it mildly) but once we got that figured out… We had such a GREAT time!!!! I don’t really subscribe to any particular team.. but just love Baseball in General. (Reminds me of my Grandpa… watching the Game with no sound on .. on the back porch of the house) I had a GREAT time with my honey.

Also can’t forget to mention our Easter Dinner with the Neighbors (again.. check out my Pictures) It was a great time.. good food… good friends.. still a little chilly out… Grr.. but I am blessed to have such great Neighbors. My cup runneth Over.

Okay… Feel like doing 3 things 2 things:

3 things that make me happy:

1. Texting Back and Forth with my Best Friend Matthew today. I am so grateful to have him in my life… I can’t say it enough.
2. Liking my haircut! (Just got little layers for some more flippy doo dah at the bottom) Can’t really tell too much… but to me.. I can.
3. Feeling Really Sexy in my $15.00 Ross Dress on Easter
4. My Gratitude Journal that I got at the NBM Shop while Volunteering on Sunday! I haven’t written in it yet but I will start tonite Before catching some zzz’s.

2 things I look forward to today:

1. Going HOME and doing ALL my laundry.. and cleaning out my closet… I’ve been SO slack in the laundry/clothes area of my life. I need to really put some focus there.. spend a few hours purging/organizing.
2. I’m going to go to the grocery and getting the ingredients for a Strawberry Chicken Salad in a Whole Wheat Pita! YUM! I’m going to make a big batch so we can eat it for a few days for dinner! Actually been wanting to really focus on different Chicken Salads for dinner.. as a healthy alternative.

2 long term things I look forward to:

1. This weekend Kristy and I are going to a free Workshop at the Inner Arts Center about MUSES & INNER CRITICS: Understanding and living with your subpersonalities)
2. So many things to do, friends to catch up with this Spring! Sitting outside at a restaurant (Healthy that is!) Potting Plants… Summer dinners with Neighbors.. Running 5K Races.. (about to sign up for another one with my girlfriend Steph!)  Getting the final arrangements for the Wedding in September… Cute new Shoes… Strawberry Smoothies.. the way that my feet feel on the grass… eating lunch on the Bench outside my office…. Going to Charleston for a MUCH needed Kindred Spirit weekend with my girl Michelle… Going bowling and to a baseball game with my Dad… Planning more itinerary for our Honeymoon to Italy… Daydreaming about Baby “things”…
                                                            i could go on……….

1 person I am going to appreciate:
My love… Peter My love… God Bless that man.. putting up with the Grizzly Bear yesterday.. saying “Relax Baby RELAX!!” When I get all fired up and anxious about something… I don’t know how he does it. I can be such a handful sometimes…. It’s like I know I need to calm down but I just seemingly cannot.. I wish I could slap myself sometimes. I look at him.. and I KNOW… this is meant to be… All the years that passed.. the experiences we had.. both together and apart.. that made us 100% ready for where we are… It’s like beyond words. I can’t tell you how amazing it feels when.. I’ll be sitting at my desk upstairs.. and He’ll call to me.. “Honey?” and I’ll say.. Yes? and come to the stairs..and he’ll say.. “I love you very much.” Oh man… what an amazing feeling.  We have so much fun laughing and just being ourselves (even the yucky parts) that I feel so ‘at home’ when I am with Peter.

Ok.. Enough yapping from me… Hope you have a great day!!!!
Much Love,
Kerilyn

RELATIONSHIP STATUS…
[single or taken] Engaged and excited to be Mrs. Kerilyn Russo as of September 26th, 2009
[Shoe size] dont’ laugh.. 11.. (really an 11.5 but the shoes get uglier as they get bigger so I try to make 11 work)  hey.. i’m tall, i’d look silly with small feet
[Parents still together] Physically in the same house? yes. Still legally Married? yes. other than that.. I dont’ know. Together is a relative word.
[Siblings] One younga sista.. Kristine
[Pets]: One VERY HAIRY Orange kitty girl named Pez

FAVORITES…
[Colors] Currently.. Red and Orange
[Number] 13
[Animal] Kitty Girl – Pez
[Drink] Coffee (Light and Sweet) and currently been LOVING DiSaronno on the Rocks!!! (Thanks to my Krisstoefir!!)
[Book] Heat by Bill Buford (Haven’t started but it’s on my nightstand waiting an official beginning)
[Flower] Peonies, Ranunculus, and Wild Flowers

DO YOU…
[Color your hair?] Since I was 18
[Twirl your hair?] When it’s long yep.
[Have tattoos?] One but want 3 more!
[Have Piercings?] Nose and 3 in each ear.(I don’t wear earrings but one in each ear)
[Cheat on tests/homework?] I’ll admit.. I have.
[Like roller coasters?] Yes.. haven’t been on one in a long time!
[Wish you could live somewhere else?] Yes! always wanted to live in NYC or Italy
[Like cleaning?] Yes.. on a weekend.. good music on.. insense.. it’s meditative for me… and the results are worth it!
[Write in cursive or printed] I do both.. I actually have like 3 types of handwriting.. use em all.
[Own a cell phone?] Yessim… thanks to Peter I am now a Crackberry’er
[Ever get off the damn computer] Um… I’m addicted to awesome websites/blogs and am a definite email junky (now that I can manage my own website.. I can tell it’s more addictive!)

HAVE YOU EVER…
[Been in a fist fight?] No.
[Considered a life of crime?] Not really. maybe a fleeting thought.
[Considered being a hooker?] No but I’ve thought about being a dominatrix.
[Lied to someone?] Yes, I’ve lied to others.. but mostly I lie to myself.. working on it.
[Been in love?] oh my yes… many times.. BUT…with someone that feels the SAME should be the question?
[Made out with JUST a friend?] Again.. yes. good times. (did i just say that?)
[Been in lust?] LOL.. um.. more than I’d like to admit.
[Used someone?] Yes I’m sure I have.
[Sabotaged someone?] Yes.. I’m not proud of it but I have. but I mostly sabotage myself.. daily.
[Been used?] Yes…  who hasn’t ya know?
[Kicked someone in the nuts?] Not on purpose…
[Stolen anything?] Yes, a belt and I felt horrible. Also a pack of gum or candy that my mom made me return to the store and the guy yelled at me! I was very little.
[Held a gun?] Yes… it’s part of my household now… (ask me about my experience about going to a shooting range)

CURRENTS…
[Current clothing] Black Pants, and Black shirt with pink shaded flowers and stripes
[Current mood] Really tired… it’s overcast and blah today… want to snuggle with my Kitty girl and go to sleep.
[Current taste] not really sure what this means
[What you currently smell like] Heather Essential Oil
[Current hair] getting REALLY long with what I call a ‘rockabilly” blip in the front for body
[Thing I ought to be doing] working
[Current cd in stereo] None.. Ipod on.. Suphala right now…
[Last book you read] Hmmm…. Good question.. I should know this… Eat Pray Love? No… I have to have read another book since then.. hmm..
[Last movie you saw] Rachel Getting Married – HIGHLY recommend it!!!
[Last thing you ate] Morning Oatmeal -  Every day!
[Last person you talked to on the phone] Um.. My sister.. last nite..

DO YOU…
[Believe there is life on other planets?] Absolutely
[Remember your first love?] Yes.. officially Jimmy from down the street in Queens.. but then Danny Bennett
[Read the newspaper?] Yes… Sundays Washington Post.. (Sad that they no longer print the Sunday Source.. it was part of my Sunday Routine)
[Have any gay or lesbian friends?] Yes Absolutely.
[Believe in miracles?] Absolutely .. happen everyday.
[Do well in school?] Meh.. depends on what the subject is/was
[Wear hats] All the time… I am a hat girl.
[Hate yourself?] No, but I have my issues I’m working on…
[Have an obsession?] lately.. shoes and dresses, reading blogs and focusing on my happiness
[Collect anything?] I used to collect Bowls.. but I haven’t collected anything recently.
[Have a best friend?] Many
[Close friends?] SO happy and grateful  to say YES to this!
[Like your handwriting?] yes. I like it a lot actually… (and i’m left handed)
[Care about looks] Yes.. the happier I am.. the more I want the outside to match the inside!
[First crush] Danny Bennett in Hamilton Square, NJ
[Do you believe in love at first sight?] Yes I think so..
[Do you believe in “the one?”] I believe that there are kindred spirits and yes.. our other half here (but odds of meeting up with them again is rare)
[Are you a tease?] I guess I can be.
[Too shy to make the first move?] Um… I’m going to answer this with regard to making friends.. and yes, when there is alcohol involved I am very shy.. But in relationships…. NO. I’m not afraid to make the first move. (Dont’ have to worry about that anymore)

ARE YOU A…
[Daydreamer] oh my yes… thisdreamergirl is always trying to maker her dreams come true!
[Bitch/Asshole] Both.. depends on the day/mood/moon.
[Sarcastic] I can be.. I love to play off another Sarcastic person.. it becomes kinda fun.
[Shy] When there are a large group of people I don’t know and they’re drinking.. hence.. I’m NOT a bar person.
[Talkative] Mostly YES!

WHAT IS…..
[One of your goals for this year? ]To lose enough weight to look BREATHTAKING in my wedding dress!!!!
[What is your middle name?] I don’t have one! No really.. I don’t.
[Do you believe that the economy is as bad as they're saying it is?] ONE word… NO. I believe that what we focus on.. we bring about.. so DONT focus on it.. Just focus on your happiness!!!
[Would you consider yourself a pessimist or optimist?] Definitely Optimist.. but.. I have my subjects that I can be downright negative about..
[Do you laugh often? ]oh my gosh yes.. especially with  a funny man as a fiancee..
[What are you scared of?] The dark.. loud noises, someone jumping out at me, CRAZY drivers (even if i’m a passenger) , turbulence in an airplane.
[Do you believe in life after death?] I don’t believe otherwise.
[Is there something you'd like to say to someone who is not in your life?] YES.  would like to say to my Grandpa/Grandma that I miss them terribly..and to three men in my past who remain nameless.. I would like you to say Thank you for teaching me a lesson..you have hurt me more than you could imagine… I still go back and forth whether I forgive you… but I believe that we are here to learn.. and that Everything happens as it should… so Thank You. . I know one day we will see each other again and understand EXACTLY why things happened the way they did.
[What kind of music do you like?] I appreciate all kinds except Heavy Metal, and Hard Core Rap. But LOVE Reggae Music and Lounge/Ambient Music.. and Dance Music..
[Is there someone out there that you miss right now?] Absolutely.. more than one person. I could name.. 10 right now of people who are no longer in my life who I miss terribly and think of regularly (And not because they passed away.)

Well that’s enough for me… I hope you now know me a bit better!
Have a splendiferous day!
Much Love,
Kerilyn