Thanks to my girl Kyra who passed along The Happy Award to me.. I am flattered she gave this to me. I will admit being happy hasn’t been so free flowing lately.  The job has been really challenging and I have been consumed with trying to understand the way it works. (in reality it’s realizing just how much it’s not working) But gratefully the end of this past week – We started to see a shift, toward teamwork and the extreme need for process… I left Friday actually feeling happy. So I think that’s why I am able to now write.

So here we go; 10 things that make me happy:

1. Waking up on Sundays when Peter is off, and we have no plans. Coffee – Sunday Morning Edition. Love it.
2. Waking up on a school day and my husband is laying next to me and my Pez girl is laying between my feet. My family.
3. Getting my nails done – wearing my favorite color nail polish called “Friar Friar, Pants on Fire”
4. Zinnias and Ranunculus Flowers – having them in my space when I walk by
5. Thinking of all the wonderful possibilities of where I might be come this December.
6. Lobster Bisque soup at Carsyle
   
7. Peters Chili and Split Pea soup – YUM!
8. Going to sleep with new sheets on the bed
9. Getting a package or letter in the mail from someone I know!
10. Although I know I am not perfect (never will be) – being really proud of myself that I am always wanting to learn about myself and how I interact with others and the world.

Awesome – I can go on… that makes me happy.

My sister came over this morning; we had a good heart to heart today. I am proud of her. She drove away and I felt like she really is taking stock and trying to look at the scary parts inside. I wanted to say to her – I see it. and I’m proud of what I see. Keep it up Kristine! I believe in you!!!

Wow… Life has been  kinda amazing lately. Everyone around me  is growing… changing.. transforming.. And what I see feels so good. Having Babies… working on  their businesses… facing their fears… making future plans.  It truly feels like change is going on all around  me. Feels like everyone is feeling the same way I am. That this year is about change… evolution. I am really grateful to sit by and watch my loved ones transform before my eyes. I am in awe and thankful for the opportunity to be a part. Wow.  It’s blowing my mind.

Things are  changing for me too. I am on the cusp of something totally different. I am married – I am totally in love with Peter… more now than ever. We look at each other and really are  excited about where we are.  I can only speak for myself… but I feel the best I have in my entire life.  It’s not an outer happiness… but more an inner one. I feel I’m not seeking the same outward approval from  friends and family that I might have in the past. Peter and I are just in this little bubble of time and space together. Loving being with each other.. being in love… and at the same time.. loving our individual identities which brings us balance. He  is not a planner and I am not spontaneous.  He helps me and I help him. A team. I will not lie – not having a job put added stress on us but at the same time it made us really focus on each other.. not on what we could give each other materially to make us happy.  Now that we are getting back on track financially – we are beginning  to talk about our plans… to start our family… to relocate to someplace and put down roots… me and my dream to become a Life Coach and launch my Idea.  This job – my job – is a starting point. The way in which our plans will happen. It is no  longer an avenue for my life.. just the path to my destination. I feel really good about where we are. I’m proud of myself. and Excited for Peter and I… to see what takes shape in the next 12 months.

(*But I will say – I am SO GRATEFUL that I work with 6 other people from my previous job – How many people have that opportunity? Not many. I feel like although I lost the job I loved; I  had a chance to really evaluate what it was that made me happy with it… and now that i see what ‘it’  really is… (just a job) I go back to it with some of the same players. What a miracle that is.)

Monday Morning – SO excited to go to work – my first official day with my shorter hair cut. Like this transition most of us are in – cutting my hair was a symbolic liberation of the past 3 years of experiences. It feels so good – I am excited to do it and to see myself differently!

This weekends weather – especially Sunday – was beautiful. Not having to bundle up in my usual coat and scarf… to feel less constricted. I love it and am almost giddy to experience spring!

Alright – Off into the  wild blue yonder today. Have  a  great day!
Much Love -
Kerilyn

Hey All…

Just want to let ya’ll know I’m still here… I haven’t been feeling too good.. and work has been stressful… and I feel a bit overwhelmed (at work) and a bit down (in general).  Feeling sad that I’m not where I really want to be – my heart and head is ready – just not our pocketbook.  I’m okay.. just taking things one day at a time.

One exciting thing – Peter went to a casting call yesterday for a new show on the Food Network . We’ll see… he said it went well and he’ll hear within 24 hours if he goes to the next round. Fingers crossed.

Another exciting thing – I’m cutting this hair OFF. I’m done with long hair. Next Saturday – chop chop! I am SO excited! I am not ready for big changes (yet) so I make little changes.

Hope you all are doing okay.
Much Love,
Kerilyn

alright already… let’s get on with it.

I’m talking about the fact that between getting ill on Friday which kept me home bound all weekend.. and the never ending snowfall which then led to the past 4 days in the house… my thoughts are really doing a doosy on me. Idle down time (added to the past 6 months of down time) is not doing much for my thoughts.

Kinda like quicksand my thoughts are lately and I find myself stuck in them.

Stuck in this moment in my life. SO anxious for something new and fresh (my 2010 word) but before this occurs, I need to do some serious housecleaning… I need to STAY in the place I am a little while longer.. put in some elbow grease (you’ve heard that phrase before right? elbow grease?) fix it up so I can get rid of it and move ON!

Instead.. I just feel stuck .More like procrastinating maybe? I don’t know what’s keeping me from actually making the changes so I can feel like I’m making forward motion… fear? self pity? A little bit of both?

Sigh…I just got off the phone with my girl Michelle… in our swimming in the deep end reminded me that I am the only one that can get me to the next step. I know this.. I just don’t know why I’d rather sit here.. being blue.  It’s really bugging me and I know I need to do something about it.

My current employment does NOT make me feel comfortable. The past 4 days I have not slept well. Go back in time.. you remember when you were in college and you had the nervous butterflies because you had a exam the next day or a paper due or even more… your deadline for your Studio project! (eww) that weird flurry of  “Can I get this done in time? Will the teacher like this? Will I pass this class? Have I studied enough?” …so you feel panicky? This weird feeling in your stomach that a LOT is riding on you and you could get in trouble if you don’t do it right.  That’s how I feel. I unfortunately feel the same way I felt years ago.. when I knew I was not in the right place in my career. It made me panic. I started getting really panicky at my job.  I wake up in the middle of the night the past few nights…thinking of all the things that I have to do.. or be responsible for.. and how this is SO far from what I thought I was going to be doing that I don’t even know where to begin. And the saddest part is I say… “You’re doing this for the money.” And I know that.. but it doesn’t change the fact that I don’t know if I’m doing it right… and it is an uncomfortable feeling to sit with.

Sometimes.. although it’s not beneficial to us.. we don’t study at all because we’re SO overwhelmed with the amount of information we have to know? Have you ever done this?  Or we give up and say we’re going to ‘wing’ it.. just to SEE if we pass?

I know this uncomfortable feeling is good as well. It helps me focused on the future of doing what I need to do so I do not feel this way anymore. And I can tell you it’s helped me face my fears and try to take a small step in the direction in where I want to go. I feel antsy though… I want to already be there.. and I have to sit on my hands and know that with everything else in my life..things take their own time. I can’t rush this weird uncomfortable phase.. who knows what else is setting itself up nicely on the path to where I want to be..while I’m focusing on the uncomfortable part ya know?

But I feel like the spoiled child a bit.. not getting what she wants so I just sit on the couch and sulk.

I feel angry at life that I lost the job I loved.. and didn’t have the finances for my dream honeymoon…and now that I have another job.. it’s not what I want.. and well.. I’m angry and pouty about that.

Does that make me totally selfish? I don’t know. I don’t like that I’m in this place. It doesn’t feel right. I don’t know – though – how to necessarily get out of this…

I want to be exercising.. with spring and open windows.. I want to wake up to a job where I make a difference and regular date nites with my husband so we can go out and have fun. I want to wear fun dresses and go dancing (No retro music please)

I have been on hold since last july.. I am READY to GO!!!!! Move away.. do it!

All in due time Kerilyn… all in due time.

Well….  (I stick my tongue out) waah to that.

Tomorrow I will go back to work officially. Then it will be Valentines Day weekend. The one weekend for a significant other in the restaurant industry – that SUCKS.  Peter works all day and I have to volunteer.  This might be (will most likely be) the last Valentines day that will be just he and I… I’d like to make it nice… Bleh.. who knows.

Please bear with me people.. I’m really just venting today… I know that Change is inevitable..I just gotta sit tight. Waa Hoo!!!

Much Love,
Kerilyn

So yea.. we were slated for the Blizzard of 2010!! OOH… scary! 20-30″ of the white stuff. I was actually looking forward to this snowstorm… Peter was one of the chosen ones selected to stay in a hotel close to the restaurant so he wouldn’t have to travel – which I preferred because I don’t want him driving in this stuff. So I knew I was on my own this weekend. After my Friday – the last day with the former (and only) designer at my new job. I knew that I had to take in all that she had been in charge of… was it alot? uh yes. Am I overwhelmed? Uh MORE than overwhelmed…. scared is the right word. (In one line – HOW can you run your car efficiently with a broken engine? Like an internal infection.. it wasn’t until ”WE” (Chasens people) came in that the infection started to be revealed. And now we have to go in and recreate the wheel WHILE handing every day business. Kyra/Erica – I SEE it… you have done SO much with what you were given. I don’t know how you did it.)

So I was planning on starting to organize the chaos to try to go in on Monday having a better picture of what has happened and what needs to happen. I was kinda excited to get a better handle.. had my new binder with project tabs …and can log into the network to see what is…

I left at 1:30 to go home and start cause the snow started (and you all know I don’t travel well in this stuff.)  I stopped off at Burger King for lunch so I could settle in Friday afternoon on the couch…I even remember saying to myself that my food tasted weird.. but I disregarded. Tisk Tisk Kerilyn. Within 2 hours my tummy was grumbling and I was having stomach cramps… by 5:30 repeat visits to the bathroom…by 7:30 I did NOT feel well and by 8:30 I was in bed… I lost all my energy.. It took all I had just to go up the stairs and lay in bed. I knew it was food poisoning… from years earlier in Savannah… this felt familiar. In and out of the bathroom for HOURS and having NO energy…just getting out of bed was painful… by 4:30AM I finally got UP what was causing me such yuckyness… (yep.. it was the King for sure) then I was able to sleep for 4 hours straight… Thank Goodness.

It snowed ALL day Saturday – but I wouldn’t of known it.. I slept almost the ENTIRE day. I had NO energy. I had an on and off fever…it hurt to put my hands in my hair.. I didn’t eat anything till evening when all i could get down is soup. I would wake up with a broken fever SOAKING WET. Wow. I probably slept 18 hours. I didn’t talk to Peter much because he had his own stuff going on… (they closed his restaurant and he cooked in another one of the Chef Geoff restaurants) It was also like my brain shut off.. all I could do is get up.. eat soup.. and go back to bed… I couldnt’ even talk.

I woke up this morning… I felt a LOT better. Woke up soaking wet again.. but I felt my brain function back. I still feel pretty weak today. Going up and down the stairs.. I feel a bit shaky.. but I feel better. I called Poison Control today to document this… and she said it probably wasn’t Food Poisoning (WHAT?) she told me it was probably the Norovirus. I read it all.. yep. That was it! (To tell you the truth I don’t care what it was.. all I know is I basically lost an entire weekend.) 

Peters on his way home now.. all I can really do is sit on the couch and watch TV and/or be on my computer. I don’t have a lot of energy to move around much… I have NO idea how I’m getting to work tomorrow or if I should even go. My own personal feeling is I HAVE to go to work.. there is SO much to do! And since I didn’t do anything this weekend.. I am actually behind! Ugh!!! So we’ll see.

If you’re in the area – I hope you weren’t bored too much and were able to have a good time with the snow falling. I look outside and see all my neighbors shoveling their cars out.. I wish I could be one of those out there.. I just can’t. I still don’t have the energy to go outside. I hope if your team is in the Superbowl.. they win (I don’t care too much about Teams)

Let’s just hope this new warning about another 6″ of the white stuff coming in on Tuesday is a farse… at this point I have NO idea when I’m going to catch up on all the work on my plate! (I guess I should just focus on the paycheck… but that’s a post for another time! (No really.. next topic is ‘HOW do I just do “It’s JUST A JOB?”)

So until next time… Stay safe… do NOT eat food that tastes weird to you…and remember….
EVERYTHING (even food poisoning/Norovirus) (Even the things you DON’T understand…) happen for a reason.
Much Love,
Kerilyn

I ran across this on Daily Candy today… I just HAD to share it with you….

(ANYONE that works in an office or has ever stepped foot in an offfice knows that this device is both hilarious…. and sometimes necessary!!!)

HILARIOUS!!!

That’s all…just sharing!
Ha Ha!
Kerilyn