LIES

{UNRAVEL} I’m willing to guess you’re probably among the many of us who FEEL something changing inside. In our world, our lives, and in our homes. What has been kept manageably under control is starting to unravel, and it’s making us both extremely uncomfortable and also like we’ve learned the biggest secret of our lives.

This is one of those secrets that The Universe/God, ourselves … want us to relearn.

WE’VE GOT IT WRONG.

We’ve been force fed a lie to keep us under control. And It’s worked well for a LONG FUCKING TIME.

We are wizards, yielding a wand but we have been taught that we are only the mere spectator. Lately we have been seeing the LIE and it’s making us restless. I know it has been me. We can no longer deny it. If you’ve read this far, you are ready to stop writhing around and GRAB YOUR WAND!!

This is the first lesson that needs reshaping, dear wizard.

SEE IT FIRST.

All of it.
The house, the man/woman.
The job.
The savings account.
The cocktail parties.
The new car.
The time spent relaxing.
The peace in the world.
The healthy babies.

SEE IT ALL…
FEEL IT.
Cause only then will you just BEGIN to see it.

Cant you feel the lie though?
How “irresponsible” that is of us?
How we need to be “practical?”
We’ve been force fed, “People in China/Africa/You name it… have been starving and you say you want X??”

LIES.

It’s all to keep is playing small.
To keep us in debt.
To keep us hungry.

And well… I’m over it.
(And I pray I’m not bullshitting myself like I have in the past)
I’m ready to spend ALL MY TIME seeing it,
even if that means cutting out those who don’t want to.
Who tell me I’m selfish….
To stop dreaming and get REAL.

But what’s REAL?
Do you measure REAL by how happy you are or by how miserable?

Seriously…?

I’ve been in the in between.
In between believing the lie,
In fear, frozen. In the confusion because SOMETHING doesn’t feel right but I’ve been too scared to put my finger on it because that will mean I will need to change.
And in the place where I FUCKING do something about it.
Put my money, mindset… my life, where my mouth is. Where my action is.
And I’ve just been too afraid of who I’ll lose if I do so.
I’ve been too afraid of who will abandon me because I no longer want to believe it’s what I see, that I’ll believe.
Because I’ve believed it so long, a part of me feels I’ll be “in trouble” if I don’t obey.
That I’ll lose the majority of those who aren’t ready to resist the lie.

Abandoned.

That’s what I’ve been playing with…
Abandonment… or freedom.
Yes… it sounds extreme, but if I want
WEALTH, I’ve got to cut out all mindset that there’s never enough.
And how many people believe that there’s never enough????
MOST OF US.
How many are willing to do WHATEVER IT TAKES to make whatever they want happen?

Up to now, not me.
Up to now I’ve been more bark than bite.

Bark <——–> Bite

Somewhere In between.

And here I am, 42 and in the SAME FUCKING PLACE I was at 26 with regards to my career, my wealth… only taking bites out of what I SEE…. and then whining when it didn’t happen.

Enough.

It’s time to take more bites (more action) from what I BELIEVE than just barking.

Time to spend more time SEEING….
More time BITING.
More time saying the things that scare us the MOST… (Abandonment? Failure? Public Ridicule?) in order to pull out the LIES from the root.

Because how long are you going to stay in this in between place?

How long will you live from what you SEE?

——-

CONFESSION is coming this week but on the heels of this post let me ask you…

WHAT IS ONE THING YOU FEEL TREMENDOUS GUILT OVER? What is something you’ve “done” but never felt like you could forgive yourself for it?

Think about it… *Or if your extra brave, comment below or message me privately.

WHAT MAKES YOU HAPPY?

What makes ME happy:

  • -Time alone at a coffee shop
  • Putting together a puzzle with my son
  • A great conversation with a girlfriend (same vibe) an in flow session with a client.
  • Doing an inspired Livestream
  • Going for a bike ride
  • Being home.

What makes ME happy is most likely NOT the same thing as what makes you happy.

Just because YOU KNOW what makes you happy… don’t assume It has to be the same as the person next to you.

Instead…… try ASKING THAT PERSON “Hey, what makes you happy?” instead of assuming it’s the same thing as what’s on your list.

NOW… tell me.

WHATS THREE THINGS that make you happy?

*Just so I know.

#stophoardingcontent 

Why the Dali Lama is not concerned when you “do it”.

So… I’ve been really triggered lately with some of the healers/teachers/coaches/guides/entrepreneurs who put pressure on those they are seeking a solution from where they are.

There is this almost in your face message that

” YOU ARE A LOSER IF YOU DON’T DO IT NOW!”

“THERE IS SOMETHING WRONG WITH YOU IF YOU DON’T DO IT NOW.”

NOW NOW NOW!

URGENCY has been the message with increasing frequency.
And well, it’s causing a stirring within me. *for me, and for you* and I just don’t want to keep quiet about it.

So here it is.

Wherever you are RIGHT NOW…
It’s EXACTLY where you are supposed to be.
Things are in process and
Life is about to change… before you know it.

The Wall

photo credit : Unsplash

Hi Everybody! How are you today? REALLY?

Why not dive into this beautiful website by kicking off the subject that I feel SO CALLED to teach.
It’s the core of all that I have learned and a topic that I still have yet to completely conquer.
I do this in small ways but the BIG ONE… well I’m still staring up at it.

I have been feeling pulled.. obsessed almost to share something because I know there are so many of us (perhaps you reading this right now) that are simply too afraid to DO what it takes to get over the huge wall of fear that is the only thing stopping us from all the THINGS that we want. (including me) All the things we see others have. The place we want to be at in our lives.

We’re afraid.

We can journal, meditate, talk and act AS IF we have gone ‘all the way in’ till the cows come home… but UNTIL you’re ready to face your biggest fears… it’s like you’re on one side of a wall and everything *and everyone who appears to have everything you’ve ever wanted* is on the other.

Like winning the LOTTERY. Right? The OTHER side.

You can daydream what the other side looks like and feels like but until you climb up that wall.. it’ll just be a daydream.

*NO SHAME. Everyone is where they are until they’re ready.

I know it’s perhaps too scary to believe what would happen or who we would disappoint with our success (yes.. probably our closest family are expecting us to fail, why let them down?)

YES. There is a fuck it/all in/ GO GO GO! mentality that is involved with climbing that wall (read: taking action) but UNTIL we’re really ready to say goodbye to what we currently have (the good and the bad things)… we’re not going to do it.

We’re just not.

And that is what, I can feel, frustrates the EVER LOVING SHIT out of those on the other side of the wall. I can see how, once you go up that wall, face your biggest fears.. and get to the other side… it gets SO EASY, MAGICAL EVEN to make shit happen.. THE SPEED, the INSTANTANEOUSNESS OF IT ALL…. but that initial climb…

Well, Fuck. Scary.

For those of us on this side of the wall.. we spend a lot of time daydreaming what it’s like over there.

So I thought.. why not start to daydream something that we EASILY could see happen… (WINNING THE LOTTERY because we wouldn’t have to go up any wall, it would just be handed to us which.. (at this point) is SAFE for us to think..) and let that energy surround us so when we are finally ready to climb… we’ll already be INFUSED with how it feels to BE IN THAT PLACE.

To BE on the other side.

SO… want to play with me?

~~~SPEND 15 MINUTES TODAY DAYDREAMING OF WHAT YOU WOULD DO IF YOU WON THE LOTTERY TODAY. WHAT WOULD YOU DO FIRST? WHO WOULD YOU SAY FUCK YOU TO FIRST? WHO WOULD YOU TELL FIRST? What would your long term vision for that money be? Would you blow a chunk right away or strategically dole it out over time?~~~

FEEL IT in your bones.
Let it excite you, turn you on *hey, get off on it if you gotta*
Just for this time EMBODY that scenario… drink it in.

You’re fear is mostly what OTHER people will think.
What your mom and dad will think… your co-workers at your current 9-5, the person who told you that one time that you’ll never amount to anything.

We’ve got to challenge the belief that we’re CRAZY to go over that wall.To get to the other side. That is the FUCK IT moment we’re all terrified of. The gaslighting of it all.

That’s what’s stopping you.

It’s what’s stopping me. *No shame. I can own it. Fuck it. THIS is me going up the wall. Right. Now. *cheers for myself*

Winning the lottery would not involve having to challenge that belief that we’re crazy. It would probably be seen as a MIRACLE. TA DA! I present you with a big ass check for 12 million dollars. You didn’t have to do much or anything at all! Laying in your lap. No one would question your motives. You would be SAFE. FEEL SAFE.

End result is the same.. Abundance.
But the way to it is very different.

Let’s try to short wire the fear by giving us permission to daydream. To get into the end result. Most of us believe that we can manifest what we think… but we don’t want to face what it involves. Because we’re terrified of what will have to let go of. WHO will let go of us.

It’s fear of abandonment basically.

The magic begins WHEN we begin to climb the wall.
To take action.
To face our fears.
To say goodbye of what and to whom we feel limit us.

So until we’re ready to do so (and if you’re here you know you’re already on the path to doing it) let’s daydream what it’s going to be like when we do.

You’re CALL TO ACTION is let me know the first thing you’ll do when you win the lottery. FIRST THING.

*And to those who are already over the wall.. what was one of the FIRST THINGS you envisioned you would receive/do WHEN you got over that wall THAT YOU’VE ALREADY ACHIEVED.

Thank you for your time and energy.
xo.
Kerilyn

A tough love letter to myself.

Note to Self

Source: knockknockstuff

I am constantly amazed at the myriad of amazing women and their inspiring websites, with their HEART CENTERED missions and purposes. (It’s growing exponentially by the day) I lovingly swim in the pool with so many of them, and revel in their own bravery and decision to NOT live any other way but FULL OUT. I started blogging back in 2001 (before there was such a thing as a BLOG) and it’s blown my mind how many kindreds have decided to jump in to share what’s on their minds (and in their hearts.)

For instance: I am a part of Hopeful World.

Every week they share a new Topic… a new mission of sorts.  This past weeks mission was about TRUST. The pied piper women of this website challenged us to write a letter to ourselves and gave an example from yet another amazing woman, doing amazing things – Rachael Maddox. She wrote a post a few days ago, called “A Tough Love Letter for the Changing Tides” and boy wouldn’t this be the most APPROPRIATE time for some tough love aimed from myself, to myself.

I’m also a part of The Holiday Council by Molly Mahar , whose creator, Molly Mahars energy is thoroughly infectious to me and I find myself giddy with excitement to soak up her energy and be near someone who inspires me to take action, as I

  • Check in and Celebrate what DID work in 2012 and Reconcile with what didn’t work too.
  • Give myself the time and the energy to creatively envision (with the help of her AMAZING worksheets) my goals for 2013 (Being a greater peace, NO MATTER WHAT) as a way of documenting where I am.

As I was reading Rachaels tough love letter, I thought what an awesome way to almost expel the negative JUJU that has been lingering in the corners of this past year and sweep it out to allow for fresh and new for 2013. Molly last nite on our weekly call talked about actively doing something to CLEAR out space… I’m thinking what better way to clear out space in my heart and mind than with some Tough Love.

_________________________________

Dear Kerilyn,

This is a tough love letter. I’m only writing it because I believe in you and your deepest health and happiness so fully, and I know, plain and simple, you could use a kick in the ass right now.

The truth is, the time for (wanting to be in control with EVERYTHING (Read: certainty) is over. No more dragging your feet. It’s time for you to be at PEACE. Like really.

Yes, always being upset that your life didn’t go the way YOU envisioned and holding on SO tight to the belief that you are a victim to your circumstances were important because you believed the LIES that you were conditioned to believe (always striving, “Only losers give up”, “Who says it’s going to be EASY?, “It could always be worse”) but now, you’re ready for everything that ISNT that. To know… REALLY KNOW, that it doesn’t matter what you DO, SAY, ACHIEVE, WIN, LOSE (as in lbs) – doesn’ t matter where you LIVE, how much you EARN, what car you DRIVE – YOU, my dear wistful soul, my beloved Searcher – ARE SIGNIFICANT.

So if you want it, get serious about the shit that’s in the way.

If you want to feel in the moment, you’re going to have to stop thinking about the future/focusing on the past, crappy experiences you’ve had. Plain and fucking simple.

Instead, you gotta work harder to tell yourself there is NO WHERE ELSE you are supposed to be but RIGHT HERE, RIGHT NOW.If you want to BE HAPPY (like your husband keeps telling you you’re not) *and you agree with him, quit being everywhere OTHER than where you ARE already!

Start telling yourself, “I am CHOOSING to be here, right now.”.If you want peace then stop doing/thinking things that are not peacefulBELIEVE you are COMPLETE instead.

[Repeat variations of the above sentences as many times as needed. With as many “come on all-fucking-ready”s as feels sincere.]

You CAN be happy and at peace. (No really, you can. I give you PERMISSION.)You can also still be working on the goals that you have for yourself in your life. Just do it with a sense that NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS, you’re still doing great!

And in case those fall through, you can always textyour AMAZING friend Laura to remind you.

Whatever it takes for you to be AT PEACE. Because it’s fucking time. You can’t FIGHT YOUR LIFES CIRCUMSTANCES anymore. You just CAN’T.

It’s NOT working the way you have done it up till now, It’s TIME to try something differently.If you keep going down that old road of FIGHT, FLIGHT, and FREEZE, you’ll probably end up with dis-ease and hatred for the things OUTSIDE of yourself that have NOTHING to do with why you are where you are (Reminder: Everything “OUT THERE” is a projection of what’s going on INSIDE. There is no “Out there”).

The truth is, you’re meant for being a vehicle for UNCONDITIONAL LOVE!!!!

Own your part in this process. DO your part. You’ve waited long enough. You’ve paid your dues. It’s time. It’s simply time.

I dare you to FORGIVE YOURSELF. FORGIVE THE WORLD. FORGIVE YOUR PARENTS. FORGIVE EVERYTHING YOU SEE.

Crazy love & steadfast belief,
Your inner tough-love mama

Kerilyn

Giving Thanks

As we come to another Thanksgiving… it makes me want to share what I am grateful for this 2011 Holiday Season. This year has been an interesting ride, and it’s not over yet. I want to THANK YOU for being a part of my life. I am so overly grateful for the awareness that I am still growing, still learning and that Thank Goodness – I am not done evolving!

5 people I am ESPECIALLY grateful for this Thanksgiving:

  1. My husband. Hands down. We have been through SO MUCH since reconnecting in 2008. He is my partner. In the good times, and the not so good. I am absolutely 100% SO MUCH MYSELF with him. I am the best me with him, and I am the worst me with him (and yet he still loves me). I could not IMAGINE being where I am today without his love and support. I am hopeful that this next year, our family will grow, and we will continue to grow stronger as a couple.
  2. My Auntie. She is the person I go to when I don’t think anyone else understands. Of shared faith and family, I feel so grateful she is just a phone call away.
  3. Laura Hall – A fellow coach, she “saw” me during one of my 3 day coach training weekends, in a way that made me feel so vulnerable yet SO relieved, a fellow ‘Searcher’, she helps me become a better me. I think it still hasn’t hit me that I’m NOT letting go of this one… I honestly think she is going to seriously help change my life.
  4. ChaChanna Simpson – Another coach & for a time, my accountability partner. I am SO grateful for the gentle push that I received from her to help me do all I needed to become certified. I wouldn’t have gotten it done as quickly if it weren’t for her.
  5. Kyra Dosch-Klemer – Not in my WILDEST DREAMS could I have imagined my idea for a website, a support system for Significant Others in the Restaurant Industry to be as beautiful and as functional as Married to a Chef has become. She continues to add to it, to make it even better. I am SO grateful for the masterpiece she has created.

4 events this year, that I am grateful for this Thanksgiving:

  1. As of July 8th, I am officially a CERTIFIED life coach! It was a lot of intensive work but TOTALLY worth it.  It comes pretty darn lose to the dream I had when I was 6 years old. Being able to help other people ‘feel heard’. It’s truly an amazing feeling.  *BONUS: Beginning my practice with paying clients!!!
  2. Launching Married to a Chef, ON 5pm on Valentines Day, with a kick off article in The Washington Post.  Simply Amazing.
  3. That we moved to a bigger, much brighter place this year,an awesome kitchen, our own office, full size laundry, and a spare bedroom so we can comfortably have more family/friends visit us.  I also discovered that while I am not one for the suburbs while living in DC (boring), I do like having the space to move around.
  4. Being able to celebrate my husbands 40th birthday with his cousin (who also turned 40) , at their place in Pennsylvania. Great friends and family. It was a wonderful day. 🙂

3 things I am looking forward to:

  1. I am SO excited!!! This year we will NOT be traveling this Christmas! Peters family is traveling to US this year! Oh my goodness… Christmas with BOTH our families together! It’s a dream come true!
  2. The weekend of January 20-22, Peter and I are making our way to NYC for the weekend, to meet up with the NYC Significant Others for Married to a Chef, we’re going to dinner with Peters family Friday nite and I’m trying to coordinate brunch on Sunday with my family! We’re staying in this cool cool hotel in Midtown Manhattan. I LOVE the city and I am giddy like a school girl to be up there a few days!
  3. I have NO idea how long it’s going to take, but I am looking forward to the day that I look down and see  a positive result on a pregnancy test. I feel SO ready to be a mom. My biological clock alarm is ringing very loudly in my ear, and I am SO excited for that day when I scream, call Peter and tell him ‘We did it!”

2 goals I intend to be grateful for achieving:

  1. Reconnecting with my physical health again. Losing weight by eating more healthfully and finding a new way to exercise (thinking Zumba, belly dancing, Burlesque).
  2. Have few goals for Married to a Chef/Coaching – running my first group coaching session, creating a 30 day program (30 Days of Dares/Note to Self project), begin to plan a Married to a Chef US Tour (I want to visit other areas of the country to coordinate other halves together) *hopefully at some point next year I’ll grow my clientele enough so I can change my 9-5 status, at least go part time, so I can work on my OWN dreams.

1 thing I have not been able to get off my mind:

  1. Moving to Charleston,SC. I have NO idea EXACTLY when the stars are going to align and we’ll be ready to pack our bags but I am SO SO ready for a fresh start. A planned change. I want the slower pace, the weather, and the southern charm that I’ve missed so much.

Wherever you are, whomever your celebrating with, find one moment and SAVOR IT. Thanksgiving Day 2011 will soon be a distant memory, how do you want to remember it?

Much love,

Kerilyn

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