Note to Self

Source: knockknockstuff

I am constantly amazed at the myriad of amazing women and their inspiring websites, with their HEART CENTERED missions and purposes. (It’s growing exponentially by the day) I lovingly swim in the pool with so many of them, and revel in their own bravery and decision to NOT live any other way but FULL OUT. I started blogging back in 2001 (before there was such a thing as a BLOG) and it’s blown my mind how many kindreds have decided to jump in to share what’s on their minds (and in their hearts.)

For instance: I am a part of Hopeful World.

Every week they share a new Topic… a new mission of sorts.  This past weeks mission was about TRUST. The pied piper women of this website challenged us to write a letter to ourselves and gave an example from yet another amazing woman, doing amazing things – Rachael Maddox. She wrote a post a few days ago, called “A Tough Love Letter for the Changing Tides” and boy wouldn’t this be the most APPROPRIATE time for some tough love aimed from myself, to myself.

I’m also a part of The Holiday Council by Molly Mahar , whose creator, Molly Mahars energy is thoroughly infectious to me and I find myself giddy with excitement to soak up her energy and be near someone who inspires me to take action, as I

  • Check in and Celebrate what DID work in 2012 and Reconcile with what didn’t work too.
  • Give myself the time and the energy to creatively envision (with the help of her AMAZING worksheets) my goals for 2013 (Being a greater peace, NO MATTER WHAT) as a way of documenting where I am.

As I was reading Rachaels tough love letter, I thought what an awesome way to almost expel the negative JUJU that has been lingering in the corners of this past year and sweep it out to allow for fresh and new for 2013. Molly last nite on our weekly call talked about actively doing something to CLEAR out space… I’m thinking what better way to clear out space in my heart and mind than with some Tough Love.

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Dear Kerilyn,

This is a tough love letter. I’m only writing it because I believe in you and your deepest health and happiness so fully, and I know, plain and simple, you could use a kick in the ass right now.

The truth is, the time for (wanting to be in control with EVERYTHING (Read: certainty) is over. No more dragging your feet. It’s time for you to be at PEACE. Like really.

Yes, always being upset that your life didn’t go the way YOU envisioned and holding on SO tight to the belief that you are a victim to your circumstances were important because you believed the LIES that you were conditioned to believe (always striving, “Only losers give up”, “Who says it’s going to be EASY?, “It could always be worse”) but now, you’re ready for everything that ISNT that. To know… REALLY KNOW, that it doesn’t matter what you DO, SAY, ACHIEVE, WIN, LOSE (as in lbs) – doesn’ t matter where you LIVE, how much you EARN, what car you DRIVE – YOU, my dear wistful soul, my beloved Searcher – ARE SIGNIFICANT.

So if you want it, get serious about the shit that’s in the way.

If you want to feel in the moment, you’re going to have to stop thinking about the future/focusing on the past, crappy experiences you’ve had. Plain and fucking simple.

Instead, you gotta work harder to tell yourself there is NO WHERE ELSE you are supposed to be but RIGHT HERE, RIGHT NOW.If you want to BE HAPPY (like your husband keeps telling you you’re not) *and you agree with him, quit being everywhere OTHER than where you ARE already!

Start telling yourself, “I am CHOOSING to be here, right now.”.If you want peace then stop doing/thinking things that are not peacefulBELIEVE you are COMPLETE instead.

[Repeat variations of the above sentences as many times as needed. With as many “come on all-fucking-ready”s as feels sincere.]

You CAN be happy and at peace. (No really, you can. I give you PERMISSION.)You can also still be working on the goals that you have for yourself in your life. Just do it with a sense that NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS, you’re still doing great!

And in case those fall through, you can always textyour AMAZING friend Laura to remind you.

Whatever it takes for you to be AT PEACE. Because it’s fucking time. You can’t FIGHT YOUR LIFES CIRCUMSTANCES anymore. You just CAN’T.

It’s NOT working the way you have done it up till now, It’s TIME to try something differently.If you keep going down that old road of FIGHT, FLIGHT, and FREEZE, you’ll probably end up with dis-ease and hatred for the things OUTSIDE of yourself that have NOTHING to do with why you are where you are (Reminder: Everything “OUT THERE” is a projection of what’s going on INSIDE. There is no “Out there”).

The truth is, you’re meant for being a vehicle for UNCONDITIONAL LOVE!!!!

Own your part in this process. DO your part. You’ve waited long enough. You’ve paid your dues. It’s time. It’s simply time.

I dare you to FORGIVE YOURSELF. FORGIVE THE WORLD. FORGIVE YOUR PARENTS. FORGIVE EVERYTHING YOU SEE.

Crazy love & steadfast belief,
Your inner tough-love mama

Kerilyn

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