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Have Faith be bigger than your fear

image: Pinterest

I know you’ve all heard the phrase…

“Leap, and the net will appear” – John Burroughs

I think what it ultimately means is to have courage, TAKE ACTION and “Feel the Fear and Do it anyway“, even though we don’t know the outcome.

To have faith.

I’ve always been the kind of person who believes in facing our fears, in working towards our dreams, who isn’t afraid to feel the scary moments but knows that fear (usually of failure in some form) is the only thing ultimately stopping us from achieving our goals. You know that quote…

“What would you do if you knew you could not fail?”  – Robert Schuller

It’s nice when we can daydream what we would do, but to put it into action…. well, that’s another story, am I right?

We all want guarantees in our life. Evidence that it will work out, no matter what we decide to do. I have been one of those people, hanging onto my comfort zone, afraid to swim away from the edge of the pool with many situations in my life.

Craving CERTAINTY.

Only in recent years have I been ready to face the fact that CERTAINTY doesn’t exist (just like perfection doesn’t exist either) that HOPING for something doesn’t guarantee it’s showing up in your life. Last year, I discovered that I am a “Hope addict”, constantly craving the ‘high’ that hoping something to happen brings, and when it doesn’t come about, continually ending up deeper in the “Pit of Despair” (A Princess Bride mention) and each time, taking longer to climb my way out of.

With the help of my coach friend Laura, I discovered that holding onto hope, doesn’t secure lifes certainty, it only perpetuates the DEEP, underlying belief that we never deserved to have that happen, this happen, or to have that show up in our life… anyway, when it doesn’t work out the way we want it to.

Hoping sort of messes with our self worth. I know it has for me.

My husband has always been good at accepting the philosophy of “That’s life!” in his usual state of going with the flow. Frankly, it’s something I admire about him and also, something that frustrates the shit out of me. NOT because I think he’s wrong, It pushes on me… makes me wonder why I can’t be more go with the flow… take a risk, as the Kardashians call it “YOLO – You only live once” and instead, I’ve settled to just tread water on the side of the pool. AFRAID.

Well as I prepare for this next chapter in my life, I have made a concerted effort to let go, try to go with the flow, and most importantly, BE CALM with whatever happens. Despite one huge setback (my reaction to finding out we’re having a boy, versus my HOPING (see there’s that hope addict again) that it was a girl I was carrying), I’ve been relatively able to drop the extra baggage that looking for certainty brings.  I KNOW that I have NO idea how my pregnancy will go, how my labor and delivery will go, and ALL I can do is let go of what I WANT to happen, and just be okay with what does happen.

To me, this is me being BRAVE and I have been really happy to say I feel I’ve been doing a relatively good job of it.

Well, if you know me or have been following me, you know that there is one thing that I have been wanting to do, that I have been just too afraid to do. It just causes too much uncertainty for me, it causes me to be frozen in fear. It’s leaving the “certainty” of the financial security of my 9-5, in order to work on my dreams of having a thriving coaching practice and mission with Married to a Chef. Honestly, I’ve simply been too afraid. Even though the 9-5 has not served my soul in a LONG time, the fear of financial scarcity has kept me there, and has deteriorated whatever energy I had to go to it, every day. In turn, I isolated myself from everyone in my office, and because I know everyone can feel how I’m feeling, everyone stayed away from me, for not wanting to bump into my negative energy, which was my own way of beating myself up for not being brave enough to have the courage to face my fear and LEAP.

With the decision Peter and I made for me to stay home a year, in order to take care of “the boy” (we still haven’t decided on a name), and also giving me the gift of working on my dreams, I knew there was an end in sight with the 9-5. I knew if I just held out, I would soon be able to leave on my own terms.

Well, This has proven to be more challenging than I thought.

Back in May/June.. I can’t remember, the company made a decision to change manufacturers (From Herman Miller to Steelcase – think of it like changing from Toyota to Volkswagen) and for the past few months, all we’ve been doing is ramping up to do business with this new company. Frankly, I have thoroughly enjoyed getting to know this companys philosophy (believing in transparency and no visual hierarchy in office spaces) but as I am getting to the practical knowledge of what it takes to be a designer, learning parts and pieces… I found myself feeling like I was wasting my time and the companys time, knowing I’m spending all this time training, just to be leaving in a little over two months.

SO I did something BRAVE.

I took the LEAP and left the 9-5 as of this past Tuesday, 8/13, in order to face my fear and do what I’ve always wanted to do….

LEAP.

Thankfully, this was a mutual decision with the management of the 9-5, and being in agreement with how we were to handle my early departure, financially and strategically, I felt confident enough to do it.

I kept thinking, “It’s only a BLIP in time. Two months. This is a GIFT Kerilyn, take it.”

So here I am, on the other side of that decision, and I am still feeling quite brave. I know that there are no guarantees. I know that the part of me that wants certainty is still there, and will show it’s face when I give into that first moment of fear… of scarcity.

But for now… I will revel in this moment of bravery. CELEBRATE doing something that I have wanted to do for a LONG LONG time… and do my best to ENJOY this time I have, to prepare for the coming of this little one, to give me a heads start with making my own dreams come true, and to continue my lesson in learning to be brave.

PLEASE CELEBRATE WITH ME.

*Because I know this is a gift, I vow not to squander it. No sitting on the couch, watching TV, eating bon bons (even though, I’d LOVE to dive into some chocolate right now, miss chocolate quite badly) I am determined to work hard to prepare for little one and this transition in our lives, and to use this gift to get a heads start on what I am envisioning with my business and my plight. SO excited (nervous too, don’t get me wrong) and am SO GRATEFUL 1. that my husband supports me in this leaping and 2. that I know this is a GIFT.

Cheers to being BRAVE!!!