Hey All…

Just want to let ya’ll know I’m still here… I haven’t been feeling too good.. and work has been stressful… and I feel a bit overwhelmed (at work) and a bit down (in general).  Feeling sad that I’m not where I really want to be – my heart and head is ready – just not our pocketbook.  I’m okay.. just taking things one day at a time.

One exciting thing – Peter went to a casting call yesterday for a new show on the Food Network . We’ll see… he said it went well and he’ll hear within 24 hours if he goes to the next round. Fingers crossed.

Another exciting thing – I’m cutting this hair OFF. I’m done with long hair. Next Saturday – chop chop! I am SO excited! I am not ready for big changes (yet) so I make little changes.

Hope you all are doing okay.
Much Love,
Kerilyn

alright already… let’s get on with it.

I’m talking about the fact that between getting ill on Friday which kept me home bound all weekend.. and the never ending snowfall which then led to the past 4 days in the house… my thoughts are really doing a doosy on me. Idle down time (added to the past 6 months of down time) is not doing much for my thoughts.

Kinda like quicksand my thoughts are lately and I find myself stuck in them.

Stuck in this moment in my life. SO anxious for something new and fresh (my 2010 word) but before this occurs, I need to do some serious housecleaning… I need to STAY in the place I am a little while longer.. put in some elbow grease (you’ve heard that phrase before right? elbow grease?) fix it up so I can get rid of it and move ON!

Instead.. I just feel stuck .More like procrastinating maybe? I don’t know what’s keeping me from actually making the changes so I can feel like I’m making forward motion… fear? self pity? A little bit of both?

Sigh…I just got off the phone with my girl Michelle… in our swimming in the deep end reminded me that I am the only one that can get me to the next step. I know this.. I just don’t know why I’d rather sit here.. being blue.  It’s really bugging me and I know I need to do something about it.

My current employment does NOT make me feel comfortable. The past 4 days I have not slept well. Go back in time.. you remember when you were in college and you had the nervous butterflies because you had a exam the next day or a paper due or even more… your deadline for your Studio project! (eww) that weird flurry of  “Can I get this done in time? Will the teacher like this? Will I pass this class? Have I studied enough?” …so you feel panicky? This weird feeling in your stomach that a LOT is riding on you and you could get in trouble if you don’t do it right.  That’s how I feel. I unfortunately feel the same way I felt years ago.. when I knew I was not in the right place in my career. It made me panic. I started getting really panicky at my job.  I wake up in the middle of the night the past few nights…thinking of all the things that I have to do.. or be responsible for.. and how this is SO far from what I thought I was going to be doing that I don’t even know where to begin. And the saddest part is I say… “You’re doing this for the money.” And I know that.. but it doesn’t change the fact that I don’t know if I’m doing it right… and it is an uncomfortable feeling to sit with.

Sometimes.. although it’s not beneficial to us.. we don’t study at all because we’re SO overwhelmed with the amount of information we have to know? Have you ever done this?  Or we give up and say we’re going to ‘wing’ it.. just to SEE if we pass?

I know this uncomfortable feeling is good as well. It helps me focused on the future of doing what I need to do so I do not feel this way anymore. And I can tell you it’s helped me face my fears and try to take a small step in the direction in where I want to go. I feel antsy though… I want to already be there.. and I have to sit on my hands and know that with everything else in my life..things take their own time. I can’t rush this weird uncomfortable phase.. who knows what else is setting itself up nicely on the path to where I want to be..while I’m focusing on the uncomfortable part ya know?

But I feel like the spoiled child a bit.. not getting what she wants so I just sit on the couch and sulk.

I feel angry at life that I lost the job I loved.. and didn’t have the finances for my dream honeymoon…and now that I have another job.. it’s not what I want.. and well.. I’m angry and pouty about that.

Does that make me totally selfish? I don’t know. I don’t like that I’m in this place. It doesn’t feel right. I don’t know – though – how to necessarily get out of this…

I want to be exercising.. with spring and open windows.. I want to wake up to a job where I make a difference and regular date nites with my husband so we can go out and have fun. I want to wear fun dresses and go dancing (No retro music please)

I have been on hold since last july.. I am READY to GO!!!!! Move away.. do it!

All in due time Kerilyn… all in due time.

Well….  (I stick my tongue out) waah to that.

Tomorrow I will go back to work officially. Then it will be Valentines Day weekend. The one weekend for a significant other in the restaurant industry – that SUCKS.  Peter works all day and I have to volunteer.  This might be (will most likely be) the last Valentines day that will be just he and I… I’d like to make it nice… Bleh.. who knows.

Please bear with me people.. I’m really just venting today… I know that Change is inevitable..I just gotta sit tight. Waa Hoo!!!

Much Love,
Kerilyn

So yea.. we were slated for the Blizzard of 2010!! OOH… scary! 20-30″ of the white stuff. I was actually looking forward to this snowstorm… Peter was one of the chosen ones selected to stay in a hotel close to the restaurant so he wouldn’t have to travel – which I preferred because I don’t want him driving in this stuff. So I knew I was on my own this weekend. After my Friday – the last day with the former (and only) designer at my new job. I knew that I had to take in all that she had been in charge of… was it alot? uh yes. Am I overwhelmed? Uh MORE than overwhelmed…. scared is the right word. (In one line – HOW can you run your car efficiently with a broken engine? Like an internal infection.. it wasn’t until ”WE” (Chasens people) came in that the infection started to be revealed. And now we have to go in and recreate the wheel WHILE handing every day business. Kyra/Erica – I SEE it… you have done SO much with what you were given. I don’t know how you did it.)

So I was planning on starting to organize the chaos to try to go in on Monday having a better picture of what has happened and what needs to happen. I was kinda excited to get a better handle.. had my new binder with project tabs …and can log into the network to see what is…

I left at 1:30 to go home and start cause the snow started (and you all know I don’t travel well in this stuff.)  I stopped off at Burger King for lunch so I could settle in Friday afternoon on the couch…I even remember saying to myself that my food tasted weird.. but I disregarded. Tisk Tisk Kerilyn. Within 2 hours my tummy was grumbling and I was having stomach cramps… by 5:30 repeat visits to the bathroom…by 7:30 I did NOT feel well and by 8:30 I was in bed… I lost all my energy.. It took all I had just to go up the stairs and lay in bed. I knew it was food poisoning… from years earlier in Savannah… this felt familiar. In and out of the bathroom for HOURS and having NO energy…just getting out of bed was painful… by 4:30AM I finally got UP what was causing me such yuckyness… (yep.. it was the King for sure) then I was able to sleep for 4 hours straight… Thank Goodness.

It snowed ALL day Saturday – but I wouldn’t of known it.. I slept almost the ENTIRE day. I had NO energy. I had an on and off fever…it hurt to put my hands in my hair.. I didn’t eat anything till evening when all i could get down is soup. I would wake up with a broken fever SOAKING WET. Wow. I probably slept 18 hours. I didn’t talk to Peter much because he had his own stuff going on… (they closed his restaurant and he cooked in another one of the Chef Geoff restaurants) It was also like my brain shut off.. all I could do is get up.. eat soup.. and go back to bed… I couldnt’ even talk.

I woke up this morning… I felt a LOT better. Woke up soaking wet again.. but I felt my brain function back. I still feel pretty weak today. Going up and down the stairs.. I feel a bit shaky.. but I feel better. I called Poison Control today to document this… and she said it probably wasn’t Food Poisoning (WHAT?) she told me it was probably the Norovirus. I read it all.. yep. That was it! (To tell you the truth I don’t care what it was.. all I know is I basically lost an entire weekend.) 

Peters on his way home now.. all I can really do is sit on the couch and watch TV and/or be on my computer. I don’t have a lot of energy to move around much… I have NO idea how I’m getting to work tomorrow or if I should even go. My own personal feeling is I HAVE to go to work.. there is SO much to do! And since I didn’t do anything this weekend.. I am actually behind! Ugh!!! So we’ll see.

If you’re in the area – I hope you weren’t bored too much and were able to have a good time with the snow falling. I look outside and see all my neighbors shoveling their cars out.. I wish I could be one of those out there.. I just can’t. I still don’t have the energy to go outside. I hope if your team is in the Superbowl.. they win (I don’t care too much about Teams)

Let’s just hope this new warning about another 6″ of the white stuff coming in on Tuesday is a farse… at this point I have NO idea when I’m going to catch up on all the work on my plate! (I guess I should just focus on the paycheck… but that’s a post for another time! (No really.. next topic is ‘HOW do I just do “It’s JUST A JOB?”)

So until next time… Stay safe… do NOT eat food that tastes weird to you…and remember….
EVERYTHING (even food poisoning/Norovirus) (Even the things you DON’T understand…) happen for a reason.
Much Love,
Kerilyn

I ran across this on Daily Candy today… I just HAD to share it with you….

(ANYONE that works in an office or has ever stepped foot in an offfice knows that this device is both hilarious…. and sometimes necessary!!!)

HILARIOUS!!!

That’s all…just sharing!
Ha Ha!
Kerilyn

(Started this yesterday) Sunday – 3pm. Still in pajamas. Peter on the other hand woke up, made dough for focaccia bread, let it rise, baked it, made breakfast for me (what a lovely husband I have – yummy bread!) then went out and got himself the new Blackberry Bold (water damaged his screen) and is now busy setting it up. (Boys and their toys! I tell ya!)

Speaking of toys – I just HAD to share with you this amazing piece of technology that I am BLOWN away by. It’s called the Square. It connects to your phones audio jack and is a way of completing credit card transactions. WOW. Amazing. It’s only in the Beta testing format now but should roll out in the new year. I think this is an amazing invention for people who’s not a big business (or shoot.. even small business) but needs to complete financial transactions. I’m keeping this piece of amazingness in my back pocket for the future.

Alright – keeping this short. Off to work. We moved offices from DC to VA on Friday so today will be our first official day in our new space.  It’s a nice space – beautiful views of DC. On week 3. This is payday week. (Thank God!). First two weeks have been daunting – something feels off here. I’m hoping with this move – then the designer I’m replacing leaving on Friday – things will settle themselves down.  I’m hoping so.

Have a great Monday.
Love,
Kerilyn