#601 Getting through it…
I found this… 1000 Awesome things
It makes me laugh. A lot. Most of them are funny… like
#987 Picking the perfect nacho off someone else’s plate
hilarious. and SO TRUE!!!!!! What they don’t say is the person who offered their nachos are also watching you to make SURE you don’t take what THEY see as the perfect nacho. They don’t SAY “uh.. don’t take that one” because they already offered.. but they are holding their breath… HOPING you don’t see what they see… Hilarious.
BUT… the one that spoke to my condition is…
#601 Getting through it
which… from the first sentence… it was like it was being written just for me. And funny that the posting was written on New Years Eve… on my birthday. I really liked the matter of factness. The words that touched me.. “Some crushing lows slapped you and smacked you around” and “There were moments you walked around in a glossy eyeball daze when… friends didn’t stay, or someone dear to your heart slowly drifted away” Yea… that was part of it. I like that it was about getting THROUGH it. I know I too will one day be THROUGH this… and like the light at the end of the tunnel… I look forward to the day when I can look BACK on this experience and see that this period of time did yield blessings and important lessons learned/experiences well.. experienced!
This past weekend we went up to the Poconos to visit with Peters cousin Rich and family and to go to Richs 3rd child (Hank) baptism. I wasn’t feeling well for my birthday festivities and was really concerned about not feeling well to go but besides this tickling cough and stuffy nose.. I felt good enough to go. And I’m glad I did.
As most of you know (or even if you don’t) I have NO experience with children. I think that it was a conscious decision made from an life changing experience I had when I was 14. I babysat for the family up the street that had a 6-8 month old and after one full day of sitting (Thank Goodness my sister was there.) and the little baby crying non-stop – It scared me how powerless I felt and how frustrated I was that I couldn’t get her to stop crying. (More so frustrated) It definitely scared me… that I could feel that way for the little baby who wasn’t doing anything purposefully to frustrate me. I KNOW that day was life changing because on that day – I told myself that I was convinced I am not a baby person and therefore a good mother and that SAME day opened my sisters world ( She was 13 at the time) to that being what her lifes mission is (to be a mom). That day changed us. Our identities changed that day.
So if you’ve come across me from that day to now… you would see either a resistant Kerilyn to have anything to do with babies… or an awkward Kerilyn who doesn’t know what to do/say to the little knee biters. Yes, as I’ve gotten older and as my maternal clock ticks faster – I can feel a softening toward my fear….melts my heart to see a little baby smiling, etc.. So this weekend, I was a little nervous… Three Children -Rese (4), Will (2), and Hank (4months) and me. (Oh Peter was asked to be Hanks Godfather – so it was my first Baptism experience besides my own (but I don’t remember that one, ha!)
Firstly Rich and Debs house is OH MY GOSH beautiful. Like I would say close to my dream home. Two fireplaces and beautiful open kitchen (Here are a few pictures I took. Hardwired Window Sill Candles that oh my gosh.. I LOVED! The decor is RIGHT up my alley (Deb has GREAT style!) … the house had SUCH a homey feeling.. a really beautiful home to raise a family (Which is EXACTLY the mode I’m in right now.. the ‘Creating a Nest for family starting mode’ so I was definitely salivating during our visit) Here are some pics I took… it had such great light.. big beautiful windows.
Rich and Deb gave Peter and I this GORGEOUS BEAUTIFUL Illustration inspired by our wedding as a Wedding Gift. Oh MY GOSH!!! I almost cried when I saw it. (I didn’t only because Peter said “Kerilyn.. don’t cry!” ) I am SO excited to hang it!!! (This gift is just a small example of how elegant their style is – Click here for a closeup)
Basically as I took my coat off – I mentioned I have no experience with babies or children. Rich and Deb are really chill about parenting and they answered my questions… (I have a lot recently) At first I was my typical nervous self.. Rese and Will definitely took to Uncle Peter who they know.. but they were both really shy with me. The first night they didn’t really interact with me but Sunday they started to warm up. I really enjoyed it. Talking to them.. showing them my knitting..reading books to them..sitting on my lap. They were pretending to cut my hair, and Rese was putting clips in my hair… how fun to play pretend! Now I KNOW it isn’t a full time thing.. just an hour or so is NOT being a full time mom but I think it helped… I really enjoyed it. And Rich put little Hank in my arms…it was nice. Baby smell..clean… he was a really good baby. It was nice. I feel ready for this… (well minus the job/house or extra money…ha!)
Well thats about it for me… Until tomorrow. Nite!
Kerilyn
