Hi there,

Feel like writing. Momentary cloud clearing after watching a movie that made me laugh out loud and give me hope and I felt… good. Lighter.

Really good quote from this movie that I MUST share (Context: talking to 7 yr olds teacher)  “Why don’t you try not making him feel like being  “Who he is”  is the problem? That’s what happened to you and me… remember?”

Isn’t that profound? I think it is. What if our parents/teachers just accepted us for who we are.. instead of  being like everyone else? I mean that’s a lot of pressure don’t you think? And I know.. blah blah… about pushing someone to be “All that they can be”…..bleh, I don’t know… I haven’t figured it out…it’s just something to ponder.

also… (context: taking sip of morning coffee) “ahhhh….It’s like liquid Angels.”  I can TRULY relate to this.  Sigh.. Coffee.

How are you? I feel like I don’t hear from most of you very often. I want to ya know… hear from you. Why don’t you send me a line…  even if you just tell me how you are today. What’s on your mind? Will you share with me something in your life that will help me not feel so alone? I think that’s the prevailing state of mind…self deprecation at it’s best! yippee!

Let’s see… what else can I share? Hmm…

I’m making split pea soup right now.  It smells SO yummy on the stove. The Garlic-y, comfort inducing smell of soup. I’m doing the basic work and Peter will come and doctor it up when he gets home. My husband… the food doctor.  I heart my husband.  He makes me smile and laugh every day. I thank God for him for he helps me not take life so damn seriously. You really can’t take life seriously when your with Peter Russo.  Right now he’s calling himself Gangsta P… And I’m his Gangsta Wife… oh yea.. that’s my husband.

Let’s see… it’s been a constant barrage of getting rejected (with regard to getting “just a job”) It’s getting pretty unnerving to tell you the truth… And everyday… I keep asking myself… asking GOD… “WHAT am I missing?” What am I doing.. or NOT doing for that matter that’s making me not hit ANYWHERE on the target. I have long talks with my beloved Auntie about this and I want to say I KNOW what it is… (I don’t want to talk about it much here.. It’s VERY deep and all about God and Studying) that’s keeping me from working; but then there’s the fear side of me. Ugh. Back and forth like some psychotic see saw. Ugh the room is spinning.

Blah Blah what else can I share?

Peter and I put up our first Married Christmas Tree! I won’t lie, I didn’t really feel happy putting it up that I can’t really afford to put any gifts beneath it. It just plain bums me out.  It looks pretty. I  love the way it looks.. especially when my kitty girl is sleeping near or under it or when it’s dark out and the lights gleam from inside it. I have moments of sheer detachment and joy when I realize it’s not about Gifts AT ALL!!!! but the people who you love… and being with them. Again that damn psycho see saw…

A Random thought: I watched the finale of Jon and Kate plus 8 today. I just want to put my own two cents in. Kate has helped me a bit today. I mean talk about going into something HUGE not knowing the outcome because you are going with your gut. EVERY question she was asked she talked about a Silver Lining. Nice. (And how HOT does she look after having EIGHT kids!) She’s fashionable… and dedicated.. strong.  I like her. Not in some weird fanatical way… just in an admiration kinda way. I had an interview today and because I watched her show.. I spent a little more time on my makeup and hair…and I actually feel pretty today. (Boy my hair is getting long!!! Peter loves it! I’ve decided I’m going to keep growing it right until we move OUT of this area which I hope will be in this year and then RIGHT before I drive OUT of this area permanently once and for all;  I am going to get it ALL…. CUT…. OFF (no, not as short as Kates) !!!!! Fresh Start…. Fresh DO!

What else? Alright… don’t make a big deal out of this.. for we have NO idea how $$$ we’re going to do this… but the offer we delivered to the owner of this BLOW MY MIND.. I WANT TO RAISE MY FAMILY IN THIS HOUSE.. house got accepted!!! We could be living in this house by January 2010. What do I want? THIS. To get the HELL out of here… away from the dark cloud joo joo of unemployment in this area. The heartache of being heartbroken.. and start FRESH!!! Do I know that a fresh start doesn’t prevent any other doo doo from happening? yes… duh. But I deserve a Fresh Start Damn it!!! I want to move to this house and I want to get pregnant in the spring.. while we are in Italy on our REAL honeymoon!!!

Ugh….. I’m done rambling…. WHO THE HELL knows what’s going to happen? NOT ME!!! So until my next installment…

Talk to me.
Kerilyn

Posted Wednesday, December 9th, 2009 at 9:36 pm | High Low. Subscribe to the comments RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.