Morning my lovebugs…

How goes it? It goes pretty darn well in my world… (Can you tell that I’ve been SO happy lately? in general..?)  It’s Friday.. and Payday.. and I’m still feeling so darn good.. contented.. and secure.. EXACTLY where I am supposed to be… Ahh.. Good Feeling. I look out the window of my office.. onto the Potomac River.. watch the runners/walkers and doggies go by… I am so blessed to have the view that I do… It makes my job THAT much better I’ll tell ya.

This weekend is a loverly one… Hanging with my man tonite doing something (probably hanging outside with the wonderful neighbors in the new tent we all will be going in together on – grilling out) Tomorrow… My little sis is coming and she’s keeping me company while I do some errands.. including get my hair cut. Yes.. I need a new look.. My hair is getting long… (I know, I know Matthew) But the longer it gets.. the heavier it gets and well.. I have thin/fine hair and I need some help in the styling/body department. I am trying not to envision what she has for me.. I am NOT cuting my hair off at all.. just give it some more… ummph. Hanging with Sis … watching this AWESOME movie that my Auntie sent me called You Can Heal Your Life which I HIGHLY suggest… (Thank You Auntie!!!)  Then Resting… little more of  “BEING” Saturday.. then Sunday Is Easter.. Another Busy day at the restaurant for my Honeydew.. and I’m scheduled to Volunteer at my beloved National Building Museum then All the Neighbors (Hopefully Mahoney and Allison too!) is going to have an Easter Dinner Shin Dig outside (Fingers Crossed the Weather is nice!)

Ok.. I feel like saying something funny that happened to me yesterday.. then I’ll do 3 things 2 things

1. Something funny: Yesterday I was running in the little gym in my bldg.. and I noticed the oscillating fan was pointed toward the ground… NOT doing me or my other gym buddy any justice.. so I thought I’d keep the treadmill going.. and push the fan up to useless height… Well I was so focused on NOT hitting the moving treadmill..watching it moving… that once I stepped off the treadmill.. I guess I got caught up with the movement and kept stepping backward.. TOTALLY hitting the machine behind me… and HEAD OVER HEELS (actually the opposite) fell over… I rebounded pretty fast.. got up (due to embarrassment) and put my hands in the air like I just made a touchdown… Thankfully only my gym buddy was in there.. Ha!! I kept and keep replaying it.. and bust out laughing… And I have one heck of a bruise on my thigh from hitting the machine behind me.! Ok.. check that off the list of things that I’ve never done before…. Look like a fool in the gym! CHECK!!!

3 things that make me happy:

1. Every evening…. I fill a small juice glass up with Kefir.. It’s PRO-biotics.. that taste and look exactly like a Strawberry Smoothie. It’s good for the digestive system.. especially after taking AntiBiotics. It tastes so good… It’s like having a smoothie every nite! YUM!
2. Listening to Bombay Dub Orchestra here at my desk.. There are a few songs that really make me feel relaxed.. It’s a Group with a 36 Piece Indian Orchestra.. VERY CHILL!!! LOVE LISTENING TO THEM!!!! Deep Breath In…..Ohm…..
3. Getting a call from my mom yesterday saying that she received the picture of Peter and I that I sent her (courtesy of Alicia.. thank you) in lieu of an Easter Card!

2 things I look forward to today:

1. I am leaving here at 3pm today.. going to run then going to grocery for our hopeful cookout tonite!) Getting the LONG weekend started a little early!! YIPPEE!!!
2. Just Being able to enjoy my afternoon… Peter will come home and we can spend the evening together… or with good friends.  Both will be very enjoyable!!!

2 long term things i look forward to:

1. I signed up today for my first 5K!!! Race for the Cure on Saturday June 6th!! My fellow co-worker/runner Bob told me about this Race so when Kristy and I were talking about finding a Race.. I thought it would be a perfect first race.. So inspiring and 30,000 runners/walkers! I’ll admit.. I’m a little nervous… Been stuck at 2.5 miles for a while now.. And haven’t run outside yet.. But I know it will be wonderful! Thanks to Kristy for the gentle and loving nudge to do it… We are running together (unless anyone else wants to run with us.. let me know!)
2. Getting out of Dodge for Memorial Day and visiting Michelle in Charleston! I really am excited about getting away… and relaxing..eating yummy food.. (After Memorial Day I’m going on a 10 day cleanse.. then Starting the No Grain Eating again until the wedding)
3. Monday I am OFF And Peter and I are going to the Washington Nationals Opening Day Game!!! WOO HOO!!! SO FUN!!! Peter (of course) knows someone.. and we were invited by the VP of Merchandising for the Nationals to go in his Box and watch the Game!! Wowee!!! I cant’ wait!!! Hopefully I can run into my favorite Sales Person Bob from here.. at the Stadium… and enjoy a beer with Him. I really love going to Baseball Games..  Beer, Sausage and Peppers (Yea don’t remind me.. I know they’re not good for me… I gotta enjoy my life!) and singing the National Anthem.. It’s what being an American is all about!!!!

1 person I am going to appreciate:

ME! I love myself.. I can honestly say that I have been the happiest I’ve been in a LONG LONG time!! Does that mean things are perfect? No. Perfect doesn’t exist. Does it mean I’m still not working things out in my head? Again No.. I’m always Churning Churning in this head o’mine!  It’s the challenge of trying to learn more about myself that keeps me from Giving Up!!! Paired with my lovely affirmations, my wonderful Kitty Girl that I love to mush on and breathe in.. wonderful neighbors… cute shoes.. beautiful Trees I drive by on the way to work… and exercising.. and a man who I love very much and cannot wait to start the next chapter with… I am one Lucky Woman!!!

Happy Easter Everyone!!!
Much Love!!!
Kerilyn

they’re just jealous because we’re young and in love

Originally uploaded by aliciagriffin

I had to post this picture.. because I love it. When you see this photo.. THIS is how I feel inside toward Peter. Thanks Alicia for your perspective here..

I feel so grateful today.. SO many wonderful people in my life who are such a blessing to me.

I want to thank Kyra for continually updating my website.. I have EXCITING news! You can now Subscribe to my High/Low so you will no longer get an email from ME saying I’ve written.. but the website will send you a note.. NICE!!! I am really grateful for all that she has done to help me get my thoughts and visions out to the world!!!

Anyway.. I hope you all have a great week!!! I did absolutely nothing this weekend but relax.. read.. watch (2)awesome movies…. and just “BE” with myself.. It wasn’t easy… knowing I didn’t do my laundry or all of the things that I was planning on doing but you know what…

I feel really relaxed right now… Really… at peace.. and I am so glad I had this weekend to do this and I think I am going to do more of that in the future.

Much Love,
Kerilyn

ok..its Saturday , stating this post at 4:01pm… sitting here on the couch.. still in my pajamas.. with both the front and back door open… listening to life outside (ep.. the clock just chimed… i haven’t set it right.. it’s 2 minutes behind) the wind… the leaves ruffling.. the birds.. a infrequent passing car…. sounds lovely…

See.. I have declared today ME day… which really means “KERILYN DO NOTHING TODAY” day…. or maybe I should call today “JUST ~~~ BE~~~~~” day…. so the fact that it’s now 4:04pm and I’m still in my pajamas.. with the TV off and I’m listening to the world…. and NOT making plans to do something… is something short of a miracle. Wow.. I can remember VIVIDLY being at my grandparents house in Queens, NY where the only thing I would hear for HOURS would be this.. the sounds of planes flying by… birds… cicadas.. the wind and passing cars… Hmm.. I just had a flashback.. Good Times. (Whomever said that NYC is the city that never sleeps never really spend much time on 116th Street in Richmond Hill, Queens, NY in the summertime)

Some people.. when they have multiple plans in a weeks period of time.. feel exhausted..Not me… too many wonderful friends to connect with, things to do in and around the city.. goals to work on meeting. That I find doing this.. sitting here.. is quite… unsettling..

Let’s see… just a handful of things I could be doing today:

1. Taking Pez to get her nails trimmed
2. Doing all my laundry
3. Really Scrubbing the Kitchen floor like I really want to
4. Go see Sunshine Cleaning this afternoon
5. Find someone to eat Sushi with
6. Go get a pedicure

That’s just the few things that come to my mind… But no.. Alas.. I sit here, writing to you.. WANTNG to write to you so as to not feel alone with my rambling and sometimes unproductive thoughts. (Aren’t most thoughts unproductive REALLY?) So I sit here with my legs propped up on the coffee table.. well.. here’s a picture so you can be with me.

So… What else?? I just got done watching a Good Movie.. Now let me preface by saying I’m not the biggest Woody Allen Fan.. but this movie speaks to my Dreamer/Arty/Girly Side… called Vicky Christina Barcelona – loved it. Loved the Art.. the Music.. the Way of life.. the Feminine clothing and hair styles..The way they enjoy food and drink… i highly recommend it if you are in the mood for a different (and more intimate/emotional) take on Woody Allen movies.

Oh.. let’s give a round of applause to my girl Michelle.. Michelle Ran her first 10K Race today!!! Yea!! She ran the entire time and I am VERY VERY proud of her!!! clap clap clap!!! Yea… Because today was “KERILYN DON’T MAKE PLANS TODAY!!!” day… I was able to enjoy a long conversation with Michelle without worrying about where I was off to next.. and feeling guilty that I had to end our conversation short.. Which, I needed because I needed a dose of Kerilyn and Michelle. (Side note I am VERY excited to go down to Charleston for a long “Swimming in the Deep End” weekend with Michelle over Memorial Day! Yippee!!

What else is in this head of mine? um…. I am happy. I’m getting happier exponentially that my therapist sees a significant difference and she only wants to see me once a month instead of historically every 2 weeks. She always ends the session by saying “Good Work.” I like to hear that. I need to hear that I think. A parental sort of move that makes me feel satisfied that my eternally ‘churning churning’ actions (or inactions) and thoughts.

churn – v. to agitate or stir/ adj. moving with or produced or producing with vigorous agitation; in a state of turbulence

oh.. back to being happy.. Yes. I am. I feel more happy and contented that I EVER have been in my entire life. I’m coming to find this is a huge epiphany for me.. this.. “wistful soul” (wistful being the only real word that sums up this inner need to continually search for that that inspires.. that makes this beautiful world tick. (even the yucky gross black parts that I know is there but I don’t focus too much time on thankfully) I take a deep sigh and really realize that this is exactly where I have always wanted to be all my life. HERE. Sitting right here.. in this scenario of a life. Doing a job I love… being inspired.. with someone that makes me feel beautiful, who also has passion and wants to enjoy all that being alive entails while making yummy food that I really shouldn’t be eating because I saw really yucky pictures of myself looking like a cow….

wait a minute…. off topic..

as I was saying…. so yea.. I’m happy… I know that Peter and I are reasonably comfortable financially.. and that in the next year or so.. we will have what it takes to support a family..

wait wait.. kerilyn??? did you say FAMILY?

yes yes folks… family.. just today i was looking in the Coupons and in the KMART pages.. I saw these adorable newborn sandals.. and even found myself getting up and showing Peter where I simultaneously said.. out loud mind you.. “Aww honey.. look at these cute little shoes”.. Peter lovingly looked at me and smiled..

so it begins. This weird yearning to look at baby clothes and understand how cloth diapers are better for the environment is growing stronger.. and yes… admittedly it scares the crap out of me. (not literally) WHY? you ask. Good Question.

Because I’m a planner. Because I’m NOT spontaneous (I know I know.. as you think so shall you be. I know) and I think I’m terrified of projectile vomit. (No I’m not kidding about this one) DO I have the basic tools inside me to NOT mess up my child with overachiever thoughts and panic attacks if they don’t put their shoes in the “right” place? I’m serious people.. I’m not scared of the poop.. I’m scared of THIS.. ME!!! Can I mess my future child up with my own ‘ness’?

ok.. there.. I wrote it.. it’s out.. and I dont’ want to go into it anymore.. it will probably come out more as time progresses… my hands are starting to sweat thinking about this… and my heart is definitely beating faster so moving along I will…

Are you tired of reading this yet? My… ramblings? No? Ok.. I continue.

Hmm.. what else? This really is a version of my own therapy you do know that right? And as the Great Bill Cosby Says.. “Push it out , Shove it out…. WAY OUT!” So OUT I will go! I will honestly say I think I’m a good writer.. and if sitting here and just typing out my thoughts is writing.. and if this is what it takes in a continual fashion for multiple pages acquired that will henceforth create a book of sorts.. then I DEFINITELY have what it takes…

(side note: Is there a limit to how much you can type in WordPress? Note to self to ask Kyra Girl)

Tomorrow I am supposed to get up early… like 5AM early and find my way down to the tidal basin where I have volunteered to hand water out to the runners of the Cherry Blossom 10K/5K Race . I have been very excited EXCEPT for the time. Eww.. Have to BE there at 6AM. Gross. It’ll be fun.. Suck it up Kerilyn. I wanted to do this to be in the ENERGY of running and runners… Cause I need to be inspired. a bout of shin splints and a recent episode of sweating profusely while running my 2.25 miles every day… I need to be inspired… I really want to run a 5K soon.. Like Yesterday. But alas.. it is what it is.

Ok well.. I think that’s all I have inside of me for now. It’s now 4:57pm. Almost an hour of ramblings.. I’d say pretty good… I love ya.. know that…. I leave you with this.. DON’T GIVE UP.. Whatever your circumstance is.. whatever your facing… DONT GIVE UP…. go ahead.. cry.. get angry…. punch a tree (don’t worry they can handle it.. not sure your hand can though – oh and apologize afterward to the tree) or throw out all the clothes in your closet because their ugly and search bargain sales for new and fabulous clothes… but don’t EVER EVER give up.

I promise I won’t if you won’t….. Deal?

Much Love. Enjoy the rest of your weekend.
Kerilyn

Happy Happy Joy Joy My Peeps!

How are you… FIRST I want to send you a link to a fun website that I have to really snuggle myself into

Things to be happy about

Looks like a fun place! Its totally inspiring me.. Kinda like THIS place inspires me.

So I want to write a list of something…

Kerilyns Life Menu List (aka If I had to ONLY eat these things the rest of my life.. this is what it would be)

1. The Square Individual Slice Pizzas that we used to eat in High School.. YUM.. with some Garlic Salt…. YUM.
2. Mom Meal No. 1: Meatloaf/Mashed Potatoes and Peas. What my family always asks of my mom and I know she wants to retire the Meatloaf Recipe.
3. Filet Mignon/Garlic Mashed Potatoes and Creamed Spinach
4. Restaurant No. 1 : My new Breakfast Obsession: Pancakes with Bacon, Bananas, Peanut Butter and Honey – from Golden West Cafe in Baltimore
5. Lobster Bisque
6. Nice Crusty Italian Bread with ENDLESS Olive Oil to dip it in.
7. Pho
8. Restaurant No. 2: Kyotos in Savannah (Sigh.. Shrimp Sauce and Sweet Tea)
9. Really Moist and layered Chocolate Cake.. Oh my.. with EITHER a glass of Red Wine or Cup of Coffee
10. Creme Brulee (again with cup of coffee)
11. Peter’s Chili with Cornbread
12. A Peanut Butter and Jelly Sandwich with a REALLY cold glass of milk.
13. OOH.. those peanut butter cookies with the Hersheys Kiss in the Middle
14. JUST Baked Homemade Chocolate Chip Cookies
15. Turkey and Mashed Potatoes/Stuffing/String Bean Casserole and GRAVY!
16. Sushi (I really like just the rolls… )
17. My Grandmothers Fettuchine Carbonara.. The original.
18. Restaurant No. 2 – 2nd Option – Biscuits and Gravy with Hash Browns from Golden West Cafe as well.
19. Restaurant No. 3 - Everything I’ve eaten so far at Flying Biscuit  in Atlanta. – Breakfast So Far
20. A really charred Hot Dog off the Grill with Ketchup and Mustard.
21. Sweet Tea

 (I hope i’m not writing this because i’m hungry.)

Ok.. that’s all I can think of.. (For Now)
Have a Groovy (and yummy) day!
Much Love,
Kerilyn