Hi there.

How are you? Monday. Good weekend for the most part. Had an AWESOME facial on Saturday.. my skin still looks good. I already made another appointment for June. Hung out with Kristy a while.. then went home and hung out… rested.. cleaned a little bit, watched this awesome movie, and just tried to relax. Yesterday Peter dragged me to a show at the Expo Center yesterday morning (I’d rather not say what kind of show or what kind of morning we had. Let’s just say I couldn’t wait till getting to my parents house)  then spend the afternoon at my parentals.. celebrating my dads birthday with our familys favorite mom meal, Meatloaf Beatloaf. YUM. It was the entire family, Peter and Kristines husband Steve was there too.. it was nice to have all of us together. (Only body missing was Pez)  I think Peter and I have hit the threshhold of us spending time together.. we’ve been quite bickery lately with each other. He’s changing his schedule so he works till 10pm on Tuesday-Thursday and I am actually kinda grateful.. it will make our spending time together closer. We both are very independent people.. and it’s kinda nice to BOTH have our own space.  It doesn’t feel good to want to be close and mushy with your love.. when you are being bickery with them.  Boo.

So one of my co-workers here in the office introduced a few of us to the Master Cleanse and well.. I really could use a kick start to eating healthier.. and well.. losing a few lbs in the meantime ain’t so bad either… so we decided to do it for 10 days. Today is Day one.. I know it has it’s own sceptics.. and I ask that if you are one, I lovingly request to support me.. even if it is a different choice than what you would make. Again.. with my philosophy of “What do I REALLY have to lose?” Ten Days? Should… go by relatively quickly. I’ve been doing some research online.. others experieinces.. and well.. I know I can do it. I’m still nervous but I reference a book that a friend gave me years ago.. “FEEL THE FEAR AND DO IT ANYWAY.” that’s what I’m doing… I’m doing it anyway.  And AWAY we go!  (For those that don’t know… Basically a Liquid Fast  – drinking a Lemon/Syrup/Cayenne Formula instead of food all day - with a laxative/natural ‘purging’ element to it as well.)

Ok I do have a question for you that has me sincerely intrigued.. and I would love your thoughts on this… I’m not out looking for kudos.. but I’m totally curious..

What is it about ME (Kerilyn Fox) that makes people remember me? I have had some interesting experiences in my life where, after meeting someone once or never but someone sees me from afar,etc… (and me never remembering them) they remember me. Why is that? What is so… memorable about me that they remember me?  I find this so intriguing….. It happened this weekend and I’m just curious.

Peter says it’s cause I’m tall.. and I have big Brown Eyes and a big smile.. (and I do smile at people a lot.. I always catch the cashiers name as I’m taking the receipt at the grocery store and I say with a Big Smile.. “Thanks Judy/Roland/Jamiel!” Maybe that’s why? And that I’m positive. (I have to laugh at this….if you only knew how many times I’m NOT positive.. it sometimes takes some pushing from my inner self to “snap out of it!” and get back to being happy/grateful. I laugh a lot inside about this.)

I also know that I’m an Empath. I’ve tried to deny this but it just is… I have the ability to make others feel what I feel.. Good AND Bad. Trust me.. when Kerilyn is in a bad mood.. WATCH OUT! Everyone can feel it. Same goes when I feel inspired.. I can inspire others. I know this about me… Sometimes it’s not the easiest.. I have a REALLY hard time hiding how I feel.. it’s written ALL over my face.. and in my energy… So you really do get the sense of ‘What you see is what you get”.  As well as…i tend to ‘read’ someone relatively immediately and make a quick and intuitive impression about someone and their nature. I have been wrong on a rare occasion.. (or I might have a STRONG desire to sabotage myself by ’reading’ someone that could validate my lack of self worth – uh don’t make me say their names.) but most of the time.. I’m usually confirmed on my initial impressions. Maybe that’s what it is… that people remember about me? People can sense that i’m wanting to “know’ them.. or ‘read’ them? Does this even make sense?

I’m totally curious.. What is your take?

Will leave you here… Hope you have a great day!
Wish me luck on this Cleanse!!! I know I can do it!!! I can do ANYTHING I put my mind to!!! Yippee!
Much Love,
Kerilyn

Sitting out Back

Hiety Ho my lovelies…

What a beautiful evening.. EXACTLY what a spring evening should feel like… Can sit outside without a sweater on… but the gentle gentle breeze I can feel on my skin… in an hour or two that sweater will come in handy. Decided to bring my lovely Ranunculus Flowers that I got at Trader Joes this week outside.. and sit out back… enjoy the chirping birds, look thru my magazines and relish in the fact that it’s Friday and I have a really lovely weekend in store.

Peter bought us a “Perfect places to stay, eat and explore in Italy’ along with a map so we can calculate our  route…  Ain’t he the cutest?  I am so grateful for him… Sigh.

I’m actually waiting for him to get home so we can enjoy some Sushi. Yum. I feel like I’ve been craving Sushi a bit lately… It’s so good.

I must admit to you all.. I had a bit of a frustrating week. Going to and Fro New Jersey last weekend in such a short period of time.. and under the emotional terms we did (Peter agreed to hand over caretaking duties of his Beloved Bella to his brother John and his wife, Kate, to give Pez and I some time to bond without the fear (my fear) of a fierce interaction between the two.  Peter has been amazing. My heart breaks a little bit to know his girl is not with him.. especially at nite which is when Peter and Bella would ‘be’.  Then.. we get back Monday. I’m too pooped to pop on Monday to run… Tuesday and Wednesday I make it to THREE miles!!! Wahoo!! I am so proud of myself.. Then a setback…Tuesday it rained and I wore open shoes… got a HUGE Silver Dollar blister on the ball of my foot…from my feet getting wet and the rubbing of my shoe… which.. by Thursday.. had become infected… So my Run on Thursday was LESS than desired. I actually came home last nite with a Fever.. fell asleep at 8pm with the chills.. i’m sure my bodys way of fighting off infection. I feel fine today except its still uncomfortable to walk on it. Better than yesterday, with proper tools (peroxide, Neosporin, and Bandages) but still.. I didn’t even push it and run tonite… and I’m sitting here feeling a bit crummy that I didn’t meet this weeks goal of exercising. Bums me out quite a bit… oh well… guess I gotta remember that i have over 4 months to go… to the big day…that’s 16 weeks plus where i can make up for it… right?

Your probably wondering why I am even trying so hard… to lose weight.. in order to fit into my awesome dress… Well.. I guess, if i may be so bold… I have always felt really happy to be a girl.. all the perks it has.. getting your nails/feet done.. cute shoes… makeup.. dresses and skirts…jewelry to suit my mood.. different perfumes.. It’s always been something i’ve really enjoyed. Along with my faith.. my wonderful friends.. feeling SO good to finally feel where i am supposed to be.. with my love Peter and in my career… I’m always busy doing things.. seeing things..trying new things, etc.. that well… I really feel like I could enjoy those things more.. FEELING more comfortable in my body. I have always looked on with jealousy at women who can walk into my favorite shop Anthropologie and be able to buy whatever they wanted… I want that… for me. I guess I feel like my spirit… of wanting to inspire others.. to believe.. help others believe…. is kinda the hopeless romantic… and well.. my Spirit doesn’t feel like it suits this big body o’ mine.  Now I know Peter loves me the way I am and my friends  do too.. but I really want the OUTSIDE to match the INSIDE… Does that make sense??? I want this for ME… I can tell.. just in the last 6 months.. that ME is coming out more.. wanting to look pretty and buy new shoes… Back in 1997 I was thin… after losing 70 lbs… but I didn’t really think of it as the OUTSIDE matching the inside because to tell you the truth.. I was pretty lost… I still didn’t know where I was going or what I wanted to do…. NOW… I feel SO…. DEEP breath… into where I am in my life.. that I have never wanted the outside to match the inside more… So if you’re wondering why am I doing this…. That’s why…

I have always loved the kind of friend I am. Perfect, NO WAY. But I love sincerely, and truly. It gives me no greater pleasure than to touch someone.. to help them feel better.. have hope. And well.. it would be nice if, when looking in the mirror… i was able to project that hope….onto myself and into the Body that matches how I feel inside.

With ALL that in mind.. shifting gears a second… a few of my co-workers have been talking about doing the Master Cleanse and well.. it makes me a little nervous.. but going with my Life Philosophy of “What do I REALLY have to lose???” I’m going to try it.. next week.. for 10 days.  Now this is NOT a diet.. i’m not one for dieting.. but more of a Lifestyle change. This cleanse gives the internal organs a chance to rest.. and purge all the toxins and chemicals that we take in year after year.. Do I know how this is going to go? NO. But i hear that If i can make it to day 4.. that mental clarity comes with doing this. So why not? I need to kickstart my adding more healthy eating to the recipe.. than to take a ‘time out’ and clean the pipes.  We’ll see… One day at a time… as they say.

So I will leave you this evening.. tranquil.. hoping you have a great weekend. My plans are nice and easy.. tomorrow morning I have a facial scheduled with my girl Kristy.. then maybe do some planting… going to a party with Peter Saturday nite.. then Sunday.. my wonderful Sunday Morning Routine of Coffee/Newspaper/Sunday Morning Edition.. and then we’re going to my parents house to celebrate my Dads Birthday (tomorrow).  I’m looking forward to it all!!

Hope you have a good one.
Much Love,
Kerilyn

Nighttime... with You...

Evening…

So this is what I’m doing… as you can now see yourself…I’m sitting outside.. with Peters Storm Watch Candle Burning (The smell that is.. HIS SMELL – Thank You Kristine for buying them for him) I was clipping coupons (Yes.. I’ve beared witness to the money saving a coupon or two can do to your budget.. begrudgingly) listening to Jazz coming from inside… Thanks to the Real Jazz channel on Sirius.. and just enjoying the evening.. after an enjoyable day… a “so much myself” day.. with my girl Kristy… talking to you.

I was introduced to a concept that I had NEVER given much thought to before. Actually Talking to and Befriending the other Parts of me that I hear my head. The perverbial Devil/Angel on the Shoulder. That’s the topic of the Free Workshop that Kristy and I went to. I don’t think I ever thought to BEFRIEND the other voices before… to help understand how I am able to do the things I do (and do to myself) good and bad. It hit me midway thru this workshop (Thankfully) as it became clear that one of the voices in my head is an “Inner Critic”.. Someone who tells me I’m not good enough or thin enough.. that I’m not worth it. (Boy would I like to get my hands on this “Part” of me that caused MYSELF so much pain) I never thought to befriend this side.. to ask it what it’s purpose is… and how it Serves me.. But I saw myself talking to this not so nice side of myself.. and I found that I WANTED to understand why it was so hard on me.. harsh words/emotions of shame and guilt come from it. And Dang it.. Now I want to know why.

So I will be doing some offline journalling on this subject.. (of course I want to share with you but there is just some vomiting of my inside world that has to be done offline) Trying to get a sense of who these other parts are.. and what their purpose is. We did a short period of silence where we wrote down what we initally thought our other Parts are… For the purpose of , well.. being Me and hopefully getting you to understand what I’m saying… Here are the, off the cuff, parts of myself.. that came to the surface enough to be written down. Hopefully you’ll find this as interesting as I did. (Not in any order of importance.. just how they came out)

- Inner Critic (Judge,Juror,Plaintiff)
- Sado-Masochist (Selfish, Sociopathic, Bossy, Pleasure )
- Abused/Caged Dog Syndrome (Anxiety,”No, don’t hurt me”, Prostrating)
- Little Girl (Scared but wanting to be Fancy Free)
- Baptist Minister (Fire and Brimstone/Right vs Wrong)
- Teacher ( Patient, Understanding, Non-Judgmental)
- Seductress ( Beguiling, Persistant)
- Nerd (Loner,Intelligence, Planner)
- Stuntman (Do It!, Jump!, GO GO GO!)
- Romantic Dreamer/Artist (Melancholy,Tormented,Wistful,Feeling)

Interesting Huh? I am ALL of these parts.. I’m sure other parts as well but this is just what came out..It made TOTAL Sense to me.. to read this.. It felt right inside… (NO.. this is not about schizophrenia or multiple personalities.. this is the different personas we carry around within us… when facing a new or scary experience)

The Trick is.. to BEFRIEND these parts.. to talk to these parts to try to find out why they are there.. maybe what experiences they were created from.. and how they can work together with you to help you be more open to knowing who you are.

I find what I’ve learned fascinating. I think all the work I’ve done inside and outside this past year. I really could use a Friend from the inside out. I want to work to understand these different parts.. and how we.. as a weird sort of 24/7 team can help use this info in helping me be a better…. well, me.

Does this make sense? I will say the workshop came from a purely scientific psychological place.. NOT a spiritual place at all.. I did find myself resisting the notion that we conjure up all deeply profound inner wisdom from our experiences during THIS lifetime and 100% subscribe that our past lives and the Karma that has been brought forth to this lifetime has helped forge that inner knowing… to help create parts of our inner world to help facilitate our journey.

I won’t bore you with the surface stuff of my day.. beautiful weather.. beautiful friends… feeling EXACTLY where I am supposed to be.. more beautiful than I EVER have… But leave you with these thoughts.. Please feel free to tell me what you think on this.. It’s intriguing.. I just scratched the surface of this mindset… and am now curious to see where it goes from here.

Have a great rest of your weekend.
Much Love,
Kerilyn

Morning!

My wonderful Auntie graciously sent me this (Via Carrie Hart/Quado that I’ve been inspired by for years) and I wanted to share it with you. It inspires me! Being a Fox by Name (until September that is..) I find these words resonate with me… about me.. within me…and I will be invoking the Spirit of the Fox as I continue my journey… The Fox will always live within me… and me in Her.

Fox Power Unleashed
Here, come here, come with me now into this deep thicket.  Feel how
easily you can slip through the secret passageways of life, following
the certain knowledge passed down to you by the generations of foxes
who came before.  It seems dark, but you can see, you can feel what is
around you.  You feel a deep oneness with the ground under your feet
and the foliage tight around you.  There is a deep security and confidence in
your knowingness, for you are the fox and life is an endless series of unfolding
passages known only to you.

At Ease in Social Situations
As a fox, you live easily in many worlds.  One world is that of glorious
sunshine and fellowship, in which your beauty shines out for all to see.
In this world of interpersonal relationships, you are beauty and grace
itself.  You can mix easily with others and have supreme confidence in
your sleek elegance and glowing beauty.  You are always right in all
social situations, for your innate sense of confidence in your own
beautiful shine makes it easy for you to be charming and witty, the center
of attention when you care to be.  All shyness and concern over your
appearance disappear as you walk about easily, knowing that you are
exactly as you should be, looking just as you should look, doing exactly
what is needed in the situation. 

Your social life is easy and flowing.  And it comes from an innate charm,
the charm that is known only to those who are so confident in their
appearance and manner that they are never self-conscious and worried,
but instead can allow themselves to focus easily on others, knowing an
ease in social situations built on a central core of confidence and
self-love.  This ease is now yours, for you are the fox.

The Ability to Blend at Will
Even though you have the ability to shine in the social world, you are
also able to blend in and virtually disappear when that is required or
desired.  You have an uncanny ability to call in your camouflage and
slinky ways when you care to.  When you choose not to be the center of
attention, you simply disappear, mentally going into a little foxhole
and allowing yourself to be disguised by your colors.  This ability is
like pulling a cloak of invisibility over you, and you use it at will. 
This means that in a stressful situation, when others are looking to
find someone to take the blame, you pull your fox invisibility down and
simply observe, unemotionally, not attached to the outcome, but watching with
your alert eyes and mind, waiting until the right time to emerge.

Though you may seem invisible to others in these circumstances, you are in a
state of high alert, watching and seeing into others.  For you have
the ability to see and feel and know the emotional state and mental
intentions of those around you.  And you use this to decide whether to
shine out with charm and wit or to withdraw into invisibility.  The
combination of these two skills allows you to move easily in the world
of others, dealing with outer situations in whatever way your intuition
tells you, for you are the fox.

Intuition and Anticipation
Your intuition is your greatest ally in your life, for it is not only
attuned to what others are doing and thinking right now, but is an
intuition of anticipation. Your sharp intelligence combines with your
intense intuition to allow you to anticipate what is coming.  When you
feel good things coming, you preen your beauty and step out into the
light.  When you anticipate trouble, you slip down the foxhole and simply
go away, letting it stroll down the path and miss you completely.

Even though you are always in a state of high awareness, you are very
relaxed. Your trust in your intuition is such that you never worry. 
You know that you will be able to anticipate trouble and slip away. 
And when you find yourself in the circle of others, you know that your
clever ways and great charm and beauty will help you through.  You are
therefore utterly confident, relaxed and fearless, for you are the fox.

Devotion to Others
There is yet another life you enjoy and that is the life of your family.
(Kerilyn says ‘Friends are our Chosen Family’)
You are devoted to those you love and spend wonderful moments cuddled up
warmly in the circle of friends and family.  You are able to develop very close-knit
relationships that last for a lifetime.  Your deep confidence and love of
yourself allow you to be deeply compassionate and loving with others.  You are
not competitive or aggressive.  You are loving and caring, always a good helper
and teammate.  The friendships you form are deep and lasting and your family is
a great comfort.  You know that the petty annoyances of others are nothing
compared to this great bond and the love you share when you are tucked away in
your hidden home, away from the glare of the light and the intrusions of
outsiders, safe and warm and comforted in the center of your own clan.

The Ability to See New Patterns
You see patterns differently than others.  The world through your eyes is
like a network of interconnected things, all there for you to make sense
of.  What is a solid obstacle to others is a network of open opportunities
to you, like a bush that appears solid but is really just leaves and
branches that easily give way when you have the heart, courage and
creativity to just charge right in.

Your uncanny ability to build new pathways in difficult terrain keeps
your beauty intact as you travel, allowing you to emerge victorious
where others become scratched and bruised.  You emerge in your beauty
effortlessly as the world naturally gives way and opens up to you, for you are
the fox.

Resourceful and Clever Problem-Solver
This ability to see patterns missed by others and to discern openings
in the densest of circumstances makes you a consummate problem-solver. 

Your mind is faster than most, and you solve problems quickly and
decisively. Your mind is too quick to spend time in analysis and
pondering, in explanations and justifications.  You perceive and you
act.  Your cleverness and intuition work together seamlessly, for you
are the fox. (Ok..NOT me..Actually I’m the Opposite… sez Kerilyn)

You are deeply resourceful and endlessly clever.  There is no situation
that can get the better of you (um… Kerilyn says REALLY? HA!) , for you
are always able to find new ways out of difficult situations. 
(Again, Kerilyn says.. um… I don’t think so. Laughing!)
You are  never cornered and unable to act.  You never just still and fall into
despair.  Your alert mind and highly developed instincts always
help you find a little hole to scurry down or a new path to forge. 
You have a highly developed sense of the ways one might go,
the many solutions to any problem.  You are full of creativity and fun,
forging new pathways, opening new explorations and adventures,
quickly darting here and there and finding ways to leave
this and run to that.
(OK.. Kerilyn says..That paragraph doesn’t really apply to me..)

Your life is fun and exciting, full of creativity and newness, for you
are the fox.

How to Join with Fox Energy
Fox Invocation

I breathe in deeply and open myself to golden cleansing energy
I ask that it may flow through me, from head to toe,
Clearing me and preparing me for the vibrant energy of the fox

My mind is quiet and clear
I am open now to new ways of thinking

My heart opens wide and grows soft and warm
I am open now to new ways of loving

My center grows calm and deep
Like an endless pool of still water
I am open now to new ways of being
I am ready

I stand in the light of love
And invite fox energy to come to me now
To fill me and empower me
To transform my life through the great gifts of the fox

I feel the fox energy as it fills me
As I run joyfully through the underbrush, from burrow to bush,
I feel life becoming clear and making sense, like a puzzle I know
how to solve I fill with confidence in my own great beauty and charm
I feel my intuition growing sharper as I fill with a deep
connection with all that surrounds me
And my heart opens wide as I fill with gentle love
I know my power, the power of the fox

I am now one with fox energy
I will feel it and be it in every moment
For I am the fox

I am completely at ease in social situations
Fully confident of my charm and beauty
And that I will always know just how to act
And when I want to, I blend in invisibly
For I am the fox

My intuition is so strong and I am so closely attuned to others
That nothing ever takes me by surprise
For I am the fox

I give thanks for this gift, for this grace
And with each breath I take I now know
I am the fox
* * *

And now, you are one with the fox.  Let your self-consciousness and
worry disappear as you open to your own beauty and wonder, as you allow your
charm to develop.  Enjoy the cleverness of your quick mind as the world gives
way to you, both to your social presence and to your
endlessly creative solutions to problems that arise.  You are deeply
loved by your friends and family.  Your life is fun and joyful as you
enjoy the many gifts that are effortlessly yours.  You are the fox.

Hiety Ho my Loverlies!!!

How are you this Tuesday Morning? I  know that for me.. this Tuesday morning is dreary and overcast.. the water is moving pretty rapidly on the potomac… I kinda can’t wait till the weather stabilizes itself in a 65-70 degree Run… instead of 70 today and 35 tomorrow… It gets kinda depressing when you can’t really get excited about your New $15.00 Halter dress from Ross when you walk outside and it’s really chilly!  And I have THREE pair of awesome Peep Toe Shoes that are sitting in Boxes WAITING for me to put them on and enjoy the breeze as it hits my toesies… freshly pedicured that is. Waiting on that shift of consistantly warmer weather to get a Pedicure.. No sense when tomorrow I’ll have to wear socks again. Boo.

Yesterday I took off from work which was WONDERFUL! (sorta) It was nice to not have to wake up early.. BUT I think I kinda ruined Peters only day off this week with my annoying clean freak tendencies. And I also think that from time to time.. I have a low blood sugar thing.. if I don’t eat and i’m hungry..I get SERIOUSLY irritable!!! Whew! It’s like I become this raging bull.. that wants to run (drive) fast and butt my head up against anything that moves quickly. Whew. (Sorry Honey.)  Peter said he’s going to start to carry a candy bar in his pocket to calm me down when I “get” that way again. (Make it a LOWFAT Granola bar and it’s a deal!) Anyway.. I know I can get pretty hard to handle at times. Unfortunately.

Peter got us AWESOME Diamond Club Seats for the Washington Nationals Opening Day Game…(Check out the Pics on my Flickr) through someone he knows at the Restaurant (of course.. he knows Everyone!) And They had IN SEAT Food Service.. Someone who comes and takes your “order” at your seat (2 hot dogs and 2 beers please!) It was so cool! We were seated right behind home plate!! There was some issue with the Kitchen… so our food was VERY DELAYED (see above with regard to low blood sugar) So I was a HUNGRY GRIZZLY BEAR before the 3rd inning to tell you the truth!!!! (putting it mildly) but once we got that figured out… We had such a GREAT time!!!! I don’t really subscribe to any particular team.. but just love Baseball in General. (Reminds me of my Grandpa… watching the Game with no sound on .. on the back porch of the house) I had a GREAT time with my honey.

Also can’t forget to mention our Easter Dinner with the Neighbors (again.. check out my Pictures) It was a great time.. good food… good friends.. still a little chilly out… Grr.. but I am blessed to have such great Neighbors. My cup runneth Over.

Okay… Feel like doing 3 things 2 things:

3 things that make me happy:

1. Texting Back and Forth with my Best Friend Matthew today. I am so grateful to have him in my life… I can’t say it enough.
2. Liking my haircut! (Just got little layers for some more flippy doo dah at the bottom) Can’t really tell too much… but to me.. I can.
3. Feeling Really Sexy in my $15.00 Ross Dress on Easter
4. My Gratitude Journal that I got at the NBM Shop while Volunteering on Sunday! I haven’t written in it yet but I will start tonite Before catching some zzz’s.

2 things I look forward to today:

1. Going HOME and doing ALL my laundry.. and cleaning out my closet… I’ve been SO slack in the laundry/clothes area of my life. I need to really put some focus there.. spend a few hours purging/organizing.
2. I’m going to go to the grocery and getting the ingredients for a Strawberry Chicken Salad in a Whole Wheat Pita! YUM! I’m going to make a big batch so we can eat it for a few days for dinner! Actually been wanting to really focus on different Chicken Salads for dinner.. as a healthy alternative.

2 long term things I look forward to:

1. This weekend Kristy and I are going to a free Workshop at the Inner Arts Center about MUSES & INNER CRITICS: Understanding and living with your subpersonalities)
2. So many things to do, friends to catch up with this Spring! Sitting outside at a restaurant (Healthy that is!) Potting Plants… Summer dinners with Neighbors.. Running 5K Races.. (about to sign up for another one with my girlfriend Steph!)  Getting the final arrangements for the Wedding in September… Cute new Shoes… Strawberry Smoothies.. the way that my feet feel on the grass… eating lunch on the Bench outside my office…. Going to Charleston for a MUCH needed Kindred Spirit weekend with my girl Michelle… Going bowling and to a baseball game with my Dad… Planning more itinerary for our Honeymoon to Italy… Daydreaming about Baby “things”…
                                                            i could go on……….

1 person I am going to appreciate:
My love… Peter My love… God Bless that man.. putting up with the Grizzly Bear yesterday.. saying “Relax Baby RELAX!!” When I get all fired up and anxious about something… I don’t know how he does it. I can be such a handful sometimes…. It’s like I know I need to calm down but I just seemingly cannot.. I wish I could slap myself sometimes. I look at him.. and I KNOW… this is meant to be… All the years that passed.. the experiences we had.. both together and apart.. that made us 100% ready for where we are… It’s like beyond words. I can’t tell you how amazing it feels when.. I’ll be sitting at my desk upstairs.. and He’ll call to me.. “Honey?” and I’ll say.. Yes? and come to the stairs..and he’ll say.. “I love you very much.” Oh man… what an amazing feeling.  We have so much fun laughing and just being ourselves (even the yucky parts) that I feel so ‘at home’ when I am with Peter.

Ok.. Enough yapping from me… Hope you have a great day!!!!
Much Love,
Kerilyn

Morning my lovebugs…

How goes it? It goes pretty darn well in my world… (Can you tell that I’ve been SO happy lately? in general..?)  It’s Friday.. and Payday.. and I’m still feeling so darn good.. contented.. and secure.. EXACTLY where I am supposed to be… Ahh.. Good Feeling. I look out the window of my office.. onto the Potomac River.. watch the runners/walkers and doggies go by… I am so blessed to have the view that I do… It makes my job THAT much better I’ll tell ya.

This weekend is a loverly one… Hanging with my man tonite doing something (probably hanging outside with the wonderful neighbors in the new tent we all will be going in together on – grilling out) Tomorrow… My little sis is coming and she’s keeping me company while I do some errands.. including get my hair cut. Yes.. I need a new look.. My hair is getting long… (I know, I know Matthew) But the longer it gets.. the heavier it gets and well.. I have thin/fine hair and I need some help in the styling/body department. I am trying not to envision what she has for me.. I am NOT cuting my hair off at all.. just give it some more… ummph. Hanging with Sis … watching this AWESOME movie that my Auntie sent me called You Can Heal Your Life which I HIGHLY suggest… (Thank You Auntie!!!)  Then Resting… little more of  “BEING” Saturday.. then Sunday Is Easter.. Another Busy day at the restaurant for my Honeydew.. and I’m scheduled to Volunteer at my beloved National Building Museum then All the Neighbors (Hopefully Mahoney and Allison too!) is going to have an Easter Dinner Shin Dig outside (Fingers Crossed the Weather is nice!)

Ok.. I feel like saying something funny that happened to me yesterday.. then I’ll do 3 things 2 things

1. Something funny: Yesterday I was running in the little gym in my bldg.. and I noticed the oscillating fan was pointed toward the ground… NOT doing me or my other gym buddy any justice.. so I thought I’d keep the treadmill going.. and push the fan up to useless height… Well I was so focused on NOT hitting the moving treadmill..watching it moving… that once I stepped off the treadmill.. I guess I got caught up with the movement and kept stepping backward.. TOTALLY hitting the machine behind me… and HEAD OVER HEELS (actually the opposite) fell over… I rebounded pretty fast.. got up (due to embarrassment) and put my hands in the air like I just made a touchdown… Thankfully only my gym buddy was in there.. Ha!! I kept and keep replaying it.. and bust out laughing… And I have one heck of a bruise on my thigh from hitting the machine behind me.! Ok.. check that off the list of things that I’ve never done before…. Look like a fool in the gym! CHECK!!!

3 things that make me happy:

1. Every evening…. I fill a small juice glass up with Kefir.. It’s PRO-biotics.. that taste and look exactly like a Strawberry Smoothie. It’s good for the digestive system.. especially after taking AntiBiotics. It tastes so good… It’s like having a smoothie every nite! YUM!
2. Listening to Bombay Dub Orchestra here at my desk.. There are a few songs that really make me feel relaxed.. It’s a Group with a 36 Piece Indian Orchestra.. VERY CHILL!!! LOVE LISTENING TO THEM!!!! Deep Breath In…..Ohm…..
3. Getting a call from my mom yesterday saying that she received the picture of Peter and I that I sent her (courtesy of Alicia.. thank you) in lieu of an Easter Card!

2 things I look forward to today:

1. I am leaving here at 3pm today.. going to run then going to grocery for our hopeful cookout tonite!) Getting the LONG weekend started a little early!! YIPPEE!!!
2. Just Being able to enjoy my afternoon… Peter will come home and we can spend the evening together… or with good friends.  Both will be very enjoyable!!!

2 long term things i look forward to:

1. I signed up today for my first 5K!!! Race for the Cure on Saturday June 6th!! My fellow co-worker/runner Bob told me about this Race so when Kristy and I were talking about finding a Race.. I thought it would be a perfect first race.. So inspiring and 30,000 runners/walkers! I’ll admit.. I’m a little nervous… Been stuck at 2.5 miles for a while now.. And haven’t run outside yet.. But I know it will be wonderful! Thanks to Kristy for the gentle and loving nudge to do it… We are running together (unless anyone else wants to run with us.. let me know!)
2. Getting out of Dodge for Memorial Day and visiting Michelle in Charleston! I really am excited about getting away… and relaxing..eating yummy food.. (After Memorial Day I’m going on a 10 day cleanse.. then Starting the No Grain Eating again until the wedding)
3. Monday I am OFF And Peter and I are going to the Washington Nationals Opening Day Game!!! WOO HOO!!! SO FUN!!! Peter (of course) knows someone.. and we were invited by the VP of Merchandising for the Nationals to go in his Box and watch the Game!! Wowee!!! I cant’ wait!!! Hopefully I can run into my favorite Sales Person Bob from here.. at the Stadium… and enjoy a beer with Him. I really love going to Baseball Games..  Beer, Sausage and Peppers (Yea don’t remind me.. I know they’re not good for me… I gotta enjoy my life!) and singing the National Anthem.. It’s what being an American is all about!!!!

1 person I am going to appreciate:

ME! I love myself.. I can honestly say that I have been the happiest I’ve been in a LONG LONG time!! Does that mean things are perfect? No. Perfect doesn’t exist. Does it mean I’m still not working things out in my head? Again No.. I’m always Churning Churning in this head o’mine!  It’s the challenge of trying to learn more about myself that keeps me from Giving Up!!! Paired with my lovely affirmations, my wonderful Kitty Girl that I love to mush on and breathe in.. wonderful neighbors… cute shoes.. beautiful Trees I drive by on the way to work… and exercising.. and a man who I love very much and cannot wait to start the next chapter with… I am one Lucky Woman!!!

Happy Easter Everyone!!!
Much Love!!!
Kerilyn

they’re just jealous because we’re young and in love

Originally uploaded by aliciagriffin

I had to post this picture.. because I love it. When you see this photo.. THIS is how I feel inside toward Peter. Thanks Alicia for your perspective here..

I feel so grateful today.. SO many wonderful people in my life who are such a blessing to me.

I want to thank Kyra for continually updating my website.. I have EXCITING news! You can now Subscribe to my High/Low so you will no longer get an email from ME saying I’ve written.. but the website will send you a note.. NICE!!! I am really grateful for all that she has done to help me get my thoughts and visions out to the world!!!

Anyway.. I hope you all have a great week!!! I did absolutely nothing this weekend but relax.. read.. watch (2)awesome movies…. and just “BE” with myself.. It wasn’t easy… knowing I didn’t do my laundry or all of the things that I was planning on doing but you know what…

I feel really relaxed right now… Really… at peace.. and I am so glad I had this weekend to do this and I think I am going to do more of that in the future.

Much Love,
Kerilyn

ok..its Saturday , stating this post at 4:01pm… sitting here on the couch.. still in my pajamas.. with both the front and back door open… listening to life outside (ep.. the clock just chimed… i haven’t set it right.. it’s 2 minutes behind) the wind… the leaves ruffling.. the birds.. a infrequent passing car…. sounds lovely…

See.. I have declared today ME day… which really means “KERILYN DO NOTHING TODAY” day…. or maybe I should call today “JUST ~~~ BE~~~~~” day…. so the fact that it’s now 4:04pm and I’m still in my pajamas.. with the TV off and I’m listening to the world…. and NOT making plans to do something… is something short of a miracle. Wow.. I can remember VIVIDLY being at my grandparents house in Queens, NY where the only thing I would hear for HOURS would be this.. the sounds of planes flying by… birds… cicadas.. the wind and passing cars… Hmm.. I just had a flashback.. Good Times. (Whomever said that NYC is the city that never sleeps never really spend much time on 116th Street in Richmond Hill, Queens, NY in the summertime)

Some people.. when they have multiple plans in a weeks period of time.. feel exhausted..Not me… too many wonderful friends to connect with, things to do in and around the city.. goals to work on meeting. That I find doing this.. sitting here.. is quite… unsettling..

Let’s see… just a handful of things I could be doing today:

1. Taking Pez to get her nails trimmed
2. Doing all my laundry
3. Really Scrubbing the Kitchen floor like I really want to
4. Go see Sunshine Cleaning this afternoon
5. Find someone to eat Sushi with
6. Go get a pedicure

That’s just the few things that come to my mind… But no.. Alas.. I sit here, writing to you.. WANTNG to write to you so as to not feel alone with my rambling and sometimes unproductive thoughts. (Aren’t most thoughts unproductive REALLY?) So I sit here with my legs propped up on the coffee table.. well.. here’s a picture so you can be with me.

So… What else?? I just got done watching a Good Movie.. Now let me preface by saying I’m not the biggest Woody Allen Fan.. but this movie speaks to my Dreamer/Arty/Girly Side… called Vicky Christina Barcelona – loved it. Loved the Art.. the Music.. the Way of life.. the Feminine clothing and hair styles..The way they enjoy food and drink… i highly recommend it if you are in the mood for a different (and more intimate/emotional) take on Woody Allen movies.

Oh.. let’s give a round of applause to my girl Michelle.. Michelle Ran her first 10K Race today!!! Yea!! She ran the entire time and I am VERY VERY proud of her!!! clap clap clap!!! Yea… Because today was “KERILYN DON’T MAKE PLANS TODAY!!!” day… I was able to enjoy a long conversation with Michelle without worrying about where I was off to next.. and feeling guilty that I had to end our conversation short.. Which, I needed because I needed a dose of Kerilyn and Michelle. (Side note I am VERY excited to go down to Charleston for a long “Swimming in the Deep End” weekend with Michelle over Memorial Day! Yippee!!

What else is in this head of mine? um…. I am happy. I’m getting happier exponentially that my therapist sees a significant difference and she only wants to see me once a month instead of historically every 2 weeks. She always ends the session by saying “Good Work.” I like to hear that. I need to hear that I think. A parental sort of move that makes me feel satisfied that my eternally ‘churning churning’ actions (or inactions) and thoughts.

churn – v. to agitate or stir/ adj. moving with or produced or producing with vigorous agitation; in a state of turbulence

oh.. back to being happy.. Yes. I am. I feel more happy and contented that I EVER have been in my entire life. I’m coming to find this is a huge epiphany for me.. this.. “wistful soul” (wistful being the only real word that sums up this inner need to continually search for that that inspires.. that makes this beautiful world tick. (even the yucky gross black parts that I know is there but I don’t focus too much time on thankfully) I take a deep sigh and really realize that this is exactly where I have always wanted to be all my life. HERE. Sitting right here.. in this scenario of a life. Doing a job I love… being inspired.. with someone that makes me feel beautiful, who also has passion and wants to enjoy all that being alive entails while making yummy food that I really shouldn’t be eating because I saw really yucky pictures of myself looking like a cow….

wait a minute…. off topic..

as I was saying…. so yea.. I’m happy… I know that Peter and I are reasonably comfortable financially.. and that in the next year or so.. we will have what it takes to support a family..

wait wait.. kerilyn??? did you say FAMILY?

yes yes folks… family.. just today i was looking in the Coupons and in the KMART pages.. I saw these adorable newborn sandals.. and even found myself getting up and showing Peter where I simultaneously said.. out loud mind you.. “Aww honey.. look at these cute little shoes”.. Peter lovingly looked at me and smiled..

so it begins. This weird yearning to look at baby clothes and understand how cloth diapers are better for the environment is growing stronger.. and yes… admittedly it scares the crap out of me. (not literally) WHY? you ask. Good Question.

Because I’m a planner. Because I’m NOT spontaneous (I know I know.. as you think so shall you be. I know) and I think I’m terrified of projectile vomit. (No I’m not kidding about this one) DO I have the basic tools inside me to NOT mess up my child with overachiever thoughts and panic attacks if they don’t put their shoes in the “right” place? I’m serious people.. I’m not scared of the poop.. I’m scared of THIS.. ME!!! Can I mess my future child up with my own ‘ness’?

ok.. there.. I wrote it.. it’s out.. and I dont’ want to go into it anymore.. it will probably come out more as time progresses… my hands are starting to sweat thinking about this… and my heart is definitely beating faster so moving along I will…

Are you tired of reading this yet? My… ramblings? No? Ok.. I continue.

Hmm.. what else? This really is a version of my own therapy you do know that right? And as the Great Bill Cosby Says.. “Push it out , Shove it out…. WAY OUT!” So OUT I will go! I will honestly say I think I’m a good writer.. and if sitting here and just typing out my thoughts is writing.. and if this is what it takes in a continual fashion for multiple pages acquired that will henceforth create a book of sorts.. then I DEFINITELY have what it takes…

(side note: Is there a limit to how much you can type in WordPress? Note to self to ask Kyra Girl)

Tomorrow I am supposed to get up early… like 5AM early and find my way down to the tidal basin where I have volunteered to hand water out to the runners of the Cherry Blossom 10K/5K Race . I have been very excited EXCEPT for the time. Eww.. Have to BE there at 6AM. Gross. It’ll be fun.. Suck it up Kerilyn. I wanted to do this to be in the ENERGY of running and runners… Cause I need to be inspired. a bout of shin splints and a recent episode of sweating profusely while running my 2.25 miles every day… I need to be inspired… I really want to run a 5K soon.. Like Yesterday. But alas.. it is what it is.

Ok well.. I think that’s all I have inside of me for now. It’s now 4:57pm. Almost an hour of ramblings.. I’d say pretty good… I love ya.. know that…. I leave you with this.. DON’T GIVE UP.. Whatever your circumstance is.. whatever your facing… DONT GIVE UP…. go ahead.. cry.. get angry…. punch a tree (don’t worry they can handle it.. not sure your hand can though – oh and apologize afterward to the tree) or throw out all the clothes in your closet because their ugly and search bargain sales for new and fabulous clothes… but don’t EVER EVER give up.

I promise I won’t if you won’t….. Deal?

Much Love. Enjoy the rest of your weekend.
Kerilyn